Vanessa & Debby – image copyright Sean Molin 2011

We consider ourselves to be researchers, teachers, authors and advocates for the vulva. However—because that title is a bit long—our business cards say that we are researcher scientists at the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University. We come from different disciplines but have both focused our research on understanding how women think and feel about their vulva/vaginas. In fact, we both did our dissertations on the vulva/vagina. We met at a conference in 2008 and were thrilled to be able to work together. We have since conducted a variety of research projects that we are very excited about. However, this book has been one of our proudest moments as it has allowed us to reach a more diverse audience. In short, we strive to be revulvationaries (we just made this word up but we like it)!

Tell us a little about Read My Lips:

The book still feels a little like a dream. When Vanessa first came to Indiana University, Debby and Vanessa sat down to create a ‘dream list’ of projects that they wanted to work on together. This book was at the top of the list. We are thankful that our publisher (Rowman & Littlefield) took a chance on us and we are so grateful. We think that Read My Lips represents our eclectic, quirky backgrounds. In addition to science-backed sex and health information, there are stories, quotes, quizzes and crafts (yes—we said crafts!) As researchers, we are proud to say that all the research is empirically-validated (and sometimes conducted within our own labs). However, while based on science, we wrote Read My Lips envisioning we were talking to our very best girlfriends. In a certain way, those who read RML are just that—dear friends through a love/appreciation/interest in the vulva.

What inspired you to write this book?

We have talked with A LOT of people over the past several years about vulvas/vaginas including colleagues, students, friends and family. While some are uncomfortable talking about it, most have been thankful for the opportunity to discuss/ask questions about a topic that is too often ignored. So, we wanted to write a book to give people accurate information and open conversations about the vulva/vagina. We wanted to write a book that would have something for every generation of women (and those who love/came from them).

Who should read this book and why?

We like to say that this book is for “anyone who has a vulva, loves someone with a vulva or has come from a vagina.” In other words, we are hopeful that it has a little something for everyone. Unfortunately, the vulva/vagina remains a topic that few people feel comfortable discussing. So, a lot of the information out there may not be accurate. However, the reason we wrote Read My Lips was not only to correct misperceptions (although we are certainly happy when it does); it was to provide readers a guide that would help them celebrate and learn to love their own and/or their partners’ bodies a little more.

What surprising facts did you discover when writing the book?

How much we had to say about vulvas! We talk about vulvas all day long but we nervous that we wouldn’t have enough to say to fill 300 pages. We were (very) wrong. It turns out we actually had to edit down the book once we were finished. Also, we interviewed 1000 men and women before we wrote the book. We weren’t necessarily surprised—but we were delighted—about how those responses helped us to continuously change our thoughts, feelings and beliefs about vulvas. We learn something new every time we talk to someone about their experiences such as how some women have come to love their vulvas and vaginas, sometimes in the face of very difficult situations.

Anything else?

We are thrilled to be able to donate a book in partnership with GladRags as we share the belief that women should care for and celebrate their bodies in ways that make them happy and healthy!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

The modern day woman has lost touch with her womb. She fills her body with toxins, has a poor diet, gets no rest, and is ashamed of her body. Growing up in a patriarchal society has taught us that we should be ashamed of our bodies, needs, and desires, but the truth is that women are strong and a dynamic force. Our womb is what makes us divinely feminine. When we re-awaken ourselves to our divine right, we empower ourselves as women. The evolved feminine walks the path of beauty. She regards herself and all life as sacred. She is sovereign unto herself and relies upon her intuition and wisdom.

As the daughter and priestess of Ix Chel, I felt that I had to include this for all the women who have forgotten the phrase “Thou art Goddess”. I know from experience what its like to suffer from a menses full of pain and my body behaving out of control.Until one day I said, “No more!” If I am a part of the Goddess, and the Goddess resides in me, then I should treat my body with love and respect. I should honor the vessel I have been given by the Goddess to walk around in this world. The womb is sacred, all powerful, and the seat of creativity to a woman.

Ix Chel is the great Mayan Goddess of the moon, water, healing, childbirth, fertility, creativity, and rebirth. She is known as the Great Mother to my people, but can be found in three aspects: Maiden, Mother, and Crone. It is She that causes the blood to gather so that it may flow with the passage of each month. She gave us the gifts of creativity, knowledge of healing, and the easing of childbirth. She takes care of the women of the Earth, especially those who are on their moon (menstruating), pregnant, or nursing. She is the type of Goddess who hears the pleas of her daughters and aids them when they are in need.

Ix Chel has much wisdom to teach us, but what we’ll be focusing on is loving your womb. Our womb is ruled by the sacral chakra. It is a place of sexuality and creativity. When it becomes unbalanced, you will start to notice that your emotions can run wild, inspiration will be blocked, fertility is impaired, and relationships will begin to form problems. Our womb is a holy container. It produces the moon blood that represents both life and death. Our blood can teach us a lot about our own health and warn you of illness. When was the last time you looked at your own blood? You should not shy away from it, or from looking at your own yoni; explore it.

It is our natural cycle that mimics the moon, which is why its known as a woman’s moon cycle in many native cultures. Ix Chel teaches us that our womb is sacred. Think about the immense power and strength that it holds, the potential for life that is strictly ours, the wonders of pleasure that we receive from it, and the fact that we can bleed for days and not die. Our body naturally cleanses itself and starts anew. You can use this period to cleanse yourself and your womb of any negativity.

Before I became pregnant, I would partake in a woman’s moon cycle ritual every month on the first night of my menses. On those nights, I would call on the Goddess and thank her for my fertility. I would ask that she ease my pain and restore me in her healing waters, and in return I offered her the blood I shed. During this ritual, I would focus healing energy onto my womb and I would chant and meditate on the twenty-five womb chants. They are:

1. My womb is sacred, and so is my life.
2. My womb is precious, and so is my life.
3. My womb is divine, and so is my life.
4. My womb is love, and so is my life.
5. My womb is whole and so is my life.
6. My womb is free, and so is my life.
7. My womb is radiant, and so is my life.
8. My womb is light, and so is my life.
9. My womb is great, and so is my life.
10. My womb is celestial, and so is my life.
11. My womb is peace, and so is my life.
12. My womb is bliss, and so is my life.
13. My womb is bright, and so is my life.
14. My womb is natural, and so is my life.
15. My womb is liberated, and so is my life.
16. My womb is full of energy, and so is my life.
17. My womb is pure, and so is my life.
18. My womb is in tune, and so is my life.
19. My womb is all powerful, and so is my life.
20. My womb is the seat of my creativity, and so is my life.
21. My womb is full, and so is my life.
22. My womb is filled with prayer, and so is my life.
23. My womb is a dynamic force, and so is my life.
24. My womb is holy, and so is my life.
25. My womb is the gateway to heaven here on earth, and so is my life.

I would hold my hands over my womb and envision each line of the chant as if it was manifesting right before me. I honored my womb and all of its radiant energy. I would notice at once that any pains I had would subside and I would be filled with a sense of peace. My moontime was never a struggle when I did the ritual and took time to honor my womb and its natural ebb and flow. Sometimes we can become so busy with life and we don’t pay attention when our body says to slow down; then out of nowhere, we will crash, both emotionally and physically. The great thing is that our body naturally cleanses itself each month, giving us a chance to regenerate.

If you haven’t already done so, you should set up a sacred womb altar. It should contain images, symbols, and items that are spiritual to you and represents the womb and the divine feminine. It doesn’t have to be large or contain anything fancy. It can be as simple as a small statue and a few shells or crystals. It’s what holds the most importance to what you hope to achieve. Allow yourself to let go when you’re bleeding. Honor your emotions and express them. Create your own moon temple and put up a flag or wear a blessed piece of jewelry to let others know that you are on your moon and to respect it.

Next we must reconnect with our womb through meditation. We must listen closely to the voice of the womb. Your womb will tell you how she wants to be healed. She misses nothing, and knows all. Take a relaxing bath, eat chocolate, and do things that bring you sensual pleasure. When your womb is happy, you will be happy.
Another thing to consider is the use of sustainable menstrual products. While healing your womb, one important thing to change is your feminine products and the way you care for your yoni. First thing’s first: You do NOT need to wash out your vulva or vagina with anything other than some natural glycerin-free soap and water. Never douche because it will only end up killing off all the good bacteria and all you will have left is a killer yeast infection.

Secondly, you should really switch to cotton underwear, if you haven’t already. Sure lacey undies and thongs can make you feel sexy and all, but your vagina NEEDS to breath. So do it a favor and go commando when you can, like at home or in bed, and every other time use cotton.

Third, menstrual products play a big role in a woman’s life. There are tampons, pads, sponges, cups, and cloth pads. It’s all so confusing and overwhelming- what do you do? Well, you stop using tampons and disposable pads for one. They contain bleach and other chemicals that are shown to contribute to cervical cancer and other abnormalities. Bleach is made from chlorine and chlorine is super toxic! Not only that, tampons are known for causing Toxic Shock Syndrome. They also produce massive amounts of waste that takes hundreds of years to decompose. No good for you or the environment.

Now cloth pads and cups are where it’s at! Cloth pads are re-usable (no more running out to the store because you ran out), made in fun patterns, and easy to use and clean up. I find that I enjoy my moon a lot more when I use these body & earth friendly options.

Th e more you honor your womb, the easier your menses will be. The release of blood brings forth the opportunity to make a powerful offering to the divine feminine. Our womb will teach us many things, if we let it. We must promise to honor it and its wondrous and magical mystery. We cannot allow outside influences to stop the flow of divine femininity. The Great Goddess Ix Chel can and will help you heal your womb and if you choose to listen closely, she will help empower you.

Monica Divane currently lives in NYC and is happily married and expecting her first child. She is of Mayan descent and works as a Pagan Priestess.

Tell us a little about yourself! What do you want customers to know about you?

First, I have to say, thank you for asking! I would like customers to know that my product and the passion I have for it is thoroughly genuine and reflective of who I am. The message of self-acceptance and the joy of finding a product that actually works on blood stains and makes life easier is what I truly hope for women. I want women and girls to find Ruby’s Red Wash a practical, happy and encouraging part of their world, even though it may merely be a product they use once or twice a month. To me, Ruby’s Red Wash is a movement: an appreciation of female being and some liberation in a bottle. Anything I say and do regarding Ruby’s Red Wash is very personal to me and, frankly, just like something you’d find in my diary.

What inspired you to create Ruby’s Red Wash? What was the process like?

I was conducting research for my Ph.D. dissertation and it was on the phenomenology of Menstruation. I compared women’s concrete experiences of menstruation to an extensive analysis of the meanings of menstruation found in and produced by the culture. The title turned out to be ‘The Bloody Truth: A Psychological and Cultural Study of Menstruation as Lived and Experienced by Women.’ It took about six years to conduct and in the end it was long and really two dissertations.

The review of the cultural meanings of menstruation became very depressing to analyze and write about. It was essentially a review of the history of oppression of women– and, the most deflating part was that these oppressive, damning messages to women are still present in the culture, only they are still invisible to women.

Women have taken on or internalized the notions that they have a ‘dirty secret’ because of menstruation and this dirty secret makes them irrational compared to men and also inferior. Even women who grew up in a fairly progressive and accepting household demonstrated that they were not immune to the (patriarchal) messages about menstruation delivered by the culture. That was and still is depressing to me.

I started thinking about how to help the greatest number of women to address this basic misunderstanding about their being. It was my contention all along that the fact that menstruation is still a secret in the culture demonstrates that women are still second class citizens. As long as the topic remains taboo and ‘inappropriate,’ then women and girls still do not share the same status as men and boys, and female being remains not fully embraced by the culture.

What do you find most exciting about your career?

Every now and then I realize that this is thoroughly mine and I am, for once, fully in charge. I can say anything I want on my blog, I can run a special if I want, and I can work with the people with whom I want to collaborate. It’s also very scary for those same reasons. Sometimes it is terrifying because mistakes are completely my own, too.

But, the best part is imagining all those women and girls out there who already have their own bottle of Ruby’s. Every time they use it, and even when it is just sitting on their shelves, all of these people are holding my message of self-acceptance. Every one of them has accepted that it is possible to be honored with a product which respects the unique qualities and functions of their body.

On my website, I call Ruby’s Red Wash my ‘gift’ to women and girls, and I honestly feel that joy of gift-giving through the creation of this product. I am still hand-bottling and with every bottle I fill and label and ship, I actively imagine and hope for a certain kind of relief and peace for the recipient. Although I don’t want to curse myself, I have said that if the business crashes tomorrow, I will still consider it a success, given that I have already reached so many women and girls.

Your blog frequently discusses the messages women receive about menstruation and their bodies. What is your goal regarding the conversations we have with each other and in the media about women’s bodies?

My goal is to have women at least stop and question what is being fed to them by the media (and their friends, family and co-workers). One of my girlfriends recently told me about an exchange she witnessed between some of her friends, two of whom happened to be lesbian. There was some discussion going on about reproductive rights and one woman made a joke, ‘What do you care? It doesn’t apply to you.’ My friend made the point that just because you don’t plan on having children and that your sexual preference doesn’t create the circumstances for pregnancy and childbirth doesn’t mean that reproductive rights doesn’t apply to you. It is a human issue. The argument that lesbians “don’t use” their reproductive organs parallels the old, sexist idea that women are only as valuable as long as they can produce children. Countless hysterectomies have been performed over the years because women “aren’t using” their uteruses for childbearing anymore. Until my friend spoke up, her friend didn’t understand the invalidating idea which she was perpetuating. Those are the kinds of dialogs I hope to create.

Do you use reusable menstrual products? If so, what do you use and what prompted you to make the switch?

For the last 10 years, since my research and discovering dioxins, I have been using organic tampons and some pads. I order a year’s supply and stash them in every bathroom in the house and in my purses. That has been a luxury for me- to have an ample supply, something I didn’t know about or give myself as a teenager or when I was in my twenties. However, I have been planning on trying a menstrual cup, because I think that would be perfect alternative to tampons for me.

What do you wish you had known as a young woman experiencing menarche? How has your perspective on menstruation changed since then?

I had a mother who did her best but who was terrified about all kinds of things in life including sexuality and a father who was downright disgusted about all things related to menstruation and wasn’t afraid to show it. When I started my period, I called my mother to the bathroom. She came in and then went back out. When she came back in, she handed me a box of tampons with a smile, albeit a very forced smile, and said ‘good luck.’ Even though her smile was forced,she was trying to tell me that what was happening to me was okay and that life would be okay.

My mother died the next year and I was pretty much left to my own devices regarding everything. I had to deal with periods in total secrecy and thought that’s just what being a woman means. I could have used all kinds of help then, but I would have given anything if someone had given me a period starter kit or a lovely period pack of sorts. The message that those send would have really helped me to counter all the crap I heard about female being. Something like that would have helped me feel better about being, in general.

Do you think it’s possible for women to celebrate their cycle rather than viewing it as a “curse”? How could this be accomplished?

I think it’s possible to view your menstrual cycle as any other part of yourself. Do I always love the way I react in the world? Do I always love the way I write? Do I always love my hair? The answer is ‘no’ to all of those questions. But I do, however, always try to be appreciative of my attempt to handle things, my attempt at writing, the mere presence of my hair. By the same token, I do not always love my period. I think the message that women need to always love and celebrate their menstruation is a terrible burden to place on women. Sometimes it’s just damn annoying to have cramps or to have flooded your pants or to have buy menstrual gear. I do not ‘celebrate’ my menstrual cycle by pretending that cramps are glorious and that the expense for menstrual supplies is a great and wonderful thing. I am, however, respectful of my body that it needs to cramp to menstruate. And I make sure I honor myself and my cycle by having enough supplies on hand or resting when I need to and recognizing that some of my emotionality during my period may be extreme but that it also provides me insight into aspects of my life that I might otherwise ignore. Like the women in my study, even the ones who declared that they hated their menstrual cycle, I have a relationship to my period, it is a part of me, and I will miss its presence when it is gone.