Like Lloyd and Harry, I’m doing it. I’m really doing it.  

I am a creature of habit. I say habit because I like to order the same sandwich at Subway every single time I eat there. I say creature, because, well, I’m 6′5″. Being a creature of habit has a lot to do with why I moved. I noticed that in my last two years or so in Phoenix, everything became a habit.

I grew comfortable, but I don’t say that in a good way, as in, this couch is really comfortable. Or as in, “She’s just so comfortable to be around.” I mean it in a way that I grew complacent and weary of change.

I became Bill Murray in Ground Hog Day. Every day I saw the same friends, woke up to the same sun, did the same things at work, and fell into (more…)

Here are a few pictures from the night before my going away party. Me, the Horse Whisperer, my brother LJ and his girlfriend had one last rendez-vous at The Dubliner, my favorite irish pub in Phoenix. I took a lot more pictures, but the HW is in most of them, and well, I’m not quite ready to remove the curtain.

People, I’m moving. That’s the big announcement. Tomorrow is my last day at my present place of employment. I have four days to finish packing up all my belongings because Sunday, I’m leaving Phoenix.

For Sioux Falls, South Dakota.

I’m answering a lot of questions from friends regarding this decision, especially those in Phoenix, so I decided I would address theirs (and yours) with a question and answer session.

Q: Are you fucking crazy?
A: I’m not sure. I’ve never been tested. (more…)

Keith says:
btw, what ever happened with your girl?

Keith says:
is she moving in?

Shrek says:
not sure. we didn’t really talk about it.

Shrek says:
but she did bring a huge bag of clothes over. haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa does that mean she’s moved in?

Keith says:
she did?

Shrek says:
and toiletries. (more…)

1 Friday night getaway with the Horse Whisperer (THW)to Tucson to see my brother LJ
2 hours it took to get there
14 times I cursed traffic, because you know, the more f bombs you drop, the faster the cars go
1 cookout
1 hot dog
1 hamburger
2 cherry vodka cranberries
2 guys that brought guitars
1 time I gave my best “Scott Stapp” impersonation
1 time I gave my best “Eddie Vedder” impersonation
I night I slept at the Horse Whisperer’s apartment
2 subs at Jimmy John’s, who make the world’s fucking most awesome subs (more…)

MSN recently published 12 smart things every father should teach his kids, which I think is dumb, because a) Top 12 lists are lame and b) it doesn’t tell kids what they really need to know.

Here’s the advice a good father should dispense (to his son).

1) Date a Stripper

This gives you instant street cred. When your son asks you why you’re qualified to give advice on girls, you can tell him you used to date a girl who made out with, what else, other girls, after she got done listening to Motley Crue’s “Girls, Girls, Girls.” (more…)

“I will do anything for love, but I won’t do that.”

- Meatloaf

“I like you a lot, but there’s no way in hell I’m letting you put your finger up my butt.”

- Mr. Pinkerton

This year for Halloween, I went as Lloyd Dobler from “Say Anything.” The Horse Whisperer didn’t have a costume, so we had her go as Diane Court - the object of Lloyd’s affection.

Since we were mimicking the scene where Lloyd wakes her up by holding a boombox outside her window and playing Peter gabriel’s “In Your Eyes,” she wore a blue nightie and carried around a window frame I made out of posterboard.

When I first started writing my book shortly after we separated, there was a part of me that hoped months from finishing it, we would everything out. I would be able to write a killer ending to the book and atone at the same time. Life would go on with us together having learned from our monumental mistakes.

But halfway through it, I realized that wasn’t going to happen, nor did I want it to. I needed a blank slate. I couldn’t be with her, because every time I would look at her, all I would see was failure. All I would see were all the missteps I took, and I would be forever trying to find redemption in my words and in my acts. I would be forever living in the past.

I would be 78, reflecting upon my fuck up at 28.

When ending a book, it’s tempting to make some grandiose statement like “I found myself.” But this was never about finding myself. It was about finding other people. And to be honest, to find myself would mean I was once lost. (more…)

1 time the old man next door walked outside to take out the trash wearing jeans, no shirt and suspenders
4 times I thought “I can’t wait until I’m old enough to dress like that and have it be acceptable”)
1 dinner with the Horse Whisperer and her parents at Pizza Picasso in Scottsdale
1 tab her father refused to allow me to pick up
1 guinea pig the Horse Whisperer bought
2 times one of her parents’ three dogs pawed me in the balls
1 movie watched at her parents house – “The Nightmare Before Christmas (I think I need to watch it again to give a well-informed comment; fans of the movie should know it is playing in theaters in 3D)
2 cherry vodka cranberry juices
14 games of “Swords and Sandals”
4 hours of painting
2 trips to Home Depot
0 trips to Bed, Bath and Beyond
1 nice little Saturday (more…)