Ranting and Raving

The minute I posted that last post I realized how much I'm starting to loathe my days, so, while I am not near as productive as I'd like to be, I've reclaimed "me" time.

And it rules.

In your face, responsibilities!

posted by angie at 3:35 PM
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For the Record

• If one more person asks me if I've found a job yet, I will punch them in the throat. Finding a job takes time, people. I don't have time for anything anymore. I'm pretty much busy from about 8 am until I get home about midnight every day, and I'm still not getting it all done.
• Apparantly you can not only seriously overbook yourself, but you can completely forget what it feels like to be normal. Also - free time? What's that? I have never had this little control over my life before EVER. And, still very very broke. How the HELL does that happen?
• For those of you I'm doing projects for, you will hear from me - my computer decided it would no longer accept internet connections, so I've dragged it over to moms and am working side-by-side with hers. Everything is being done "the long way" now so I am totally loving you for your patience.

So yeah, no life, no time, no money, no internet, I see my apartment for about an hour every day...

Ahhh life. Fuck you.

posted by angie at 4:09 PM
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Put it away

I hid that last post. I guess I just hate feeling weak and small (especially in front of others), and when I am having a hard time sometimes I let things build up too long. Breaking point reached, officially.

I'll be fine, I always am. I'm just nearing the "nowhere else to go but up" point a lot faster than I thought. In fact, I can almost reach out and touch it.

No worries - I'm a tough chick - I'll figure it out.

posted by angie at 8:15 PM
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MEH

So, I had a rockin' interview last week. I kicked ass, she mentioned her target salary (quite low for what I wanted - didn't mention that part though) but said she'd call once she spoke with the Art Director.

No call. I didn't call her back (I know! Faux pas!) because honestly I dont think there was any wiggle room in the salary range she offered.

This morning - phone conference with a potential client after I spoke for about a half hour w/ another member of the same company, who not only seemed to really like me, but made it sound like a done deal. Today, the woman seemed completely disinterested and said "Thank you for your time. I'll be in touch."

Money says I don't hear another peep.

That makes about 4-5 good interviews that slipped through my fingers. I mean, I know I'm not the perfect interviewee, but I know my stuff and a few have been quite excited to meet me.

Seriously why do potential clients/employers not want to commit? I mean, really. I may not have the fattest portfolio, but I know what I'm doing and those I've done work for are quite pleased. I have references and I'm willing to do a mock-up etc if they want to see something. Not that big of a deal.

meh.

God -job hunting is like dating all over again.

posted by angie at 10:25 AM
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It is, while it lasts

I don't want to talk about my feelings too much as of late, as they are not necessarily the best topic right now. My moods are completely unbalanced yet well-founded, but I've hit a place in the back of my head that I haven't been in a long time, and honestly I really don't want to talk about it.

The one thing, tonight, that I will open up about is the sadness. The deep, seemingly infinate sadness that most likely stems from unrelated things, but tonight I feel loss.

In an effort to help out my sister whose health has been less than stellar lately, an effort to make good on a promise and an effort to make both me and a little guy feel great, I had a boy over Thursday night. He is one of the coolest people I know, and we slept on the floor in the living room after a night of mac n cheese, video games and belly laughs.

He's only 5, and has made such an enormous impact on me that I cant even really put it into words, but coming back tonight (and for what for whatever reason suddenly feels like the first time) to an empty apartment at this moment feels worse than any break-up I've had.

It was wonderful having him here, even for a moment, and the tears right now aren't helping what feels like a gigantic hole in my heart knowing that I won't see him for a few weeks. With the situations boiling in my head these days - those weeks feel like an eternity.

I tell you what, being lucky enough to be blessed with nephews who have actually changed who you are for the better is one thing I will never regret moving across the country for - one thing I will never regret that put the "final straw" in my reasons for ending my employment. He (and his brother) are amazing kids, and I swear to god my home feels very empty without him in it.

Kater - you make awesome kids. Thanks for letting me kidnap one for an evening -I needed that more than I can ever explain.

posted by angie at 1:30 AM
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There are no words...

(But there probably will be after I stop snorting)

From an email from my sister:

last night the kids were looking at pictures on troys laptop of the family and such and theyd say 'Me!' 'Grandma & Grandpa!' 'Troy!' and they got to this picture and said 'Angie!'.

i shit you not. troy and i laughed for 10 minutes.

(Click image for full size version to get the real scope of this monstrosity)



posted by angie at 2:09 PM
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You can't tell right now, but I'm dancing around in my underwear.

I have an interview in a couple weeks for a real job.

At a real company.

With a real commute.

And, I'm assuming here, a real paycheck.

woo!

posted by angie at 1:51 PM
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So it's cold in hell too, apparantly.

I never, ever thought I'd say this, but internet - this not having to go to work thing anymore is scary business! Like, scary scary. Like, I don't even have enough money to be a responsible adult and pay for things like electric or gasoline or rent!

I know!!

I had to do it though, and the relief of losing that albatross is fantastic. Now, however, it's more like - "Oh, SHIT."

heh.

Cross ya'lls' toes that I find some good side projects, as all my failsafes well, fell through.

posted by angie at 10:54 AM
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Nerves of Oatmeal

I'm giving notice at my job today.

That's right, I'll be unemployed, working odd side jobs, and trying to figure out how the hell I'm going to pay my bills.

I do that anyway, just with a shitty job.

This will be the first time in my life that I had no actual fallback job (for certain) and I'm scared to death.

GAH.

posted by angie at 9:25 AM
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This is how I roll

So yeah - I just talked about cat poop 2 posts ago. (Sh)it happens.

But I need to get all serious up in here for a moment.

I've posted a link to what is the starts of my online portfolio over to the right here. I'm slowly digging through this mess of a filing system I had from way back and cleaning out and backing up, so it will get updated, although possibly slowly for a bit.

I'm currently trying to keep my plate very full, so I'm looking for freelance gigs here and there. If ya'll know anyone, I'd much 'ppreciate it. I may start doing more website for peeps too - I gotta get this one redesigned first though. This look is so 2001.

posted by angie at 11:03 PM
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