ch12:08 Bloodbyrn
by dan on February 17, 2012 at 7:00 amOf course the servants had not told him. Of course she would have to make the arrangements herself concurrently with the ceremony as it progressed. Typical was the best word for this situation. "Be quiet, my lord."
He was not. "Oh of course! Every Skrean ceremony ends with killing someone. Well I'm done with killing people, okay? No."
"Be quiet!" hissed Bloodbyrn as the Hafdern slowly walked back down to his place on the triskaidekagram. "We must un-sanctify our un-marriage with a death. It is an ancient and venerable Skrean custom."
Bloodbyrn cleared her voice and continued in louder tones. "Now, I must ask you a question, my lord. Traditionally whosoever wins the pre-un-wedding kidnapping, which would be me, selects a rival to be slain for the ceremony However, you have already dispatched Lady Ashwing, may she writhe forever in torment, and if any mortal women could be considered my rival, it was she. I confess I do not know whom the next woman down the list might be. The Ignoble Lady Banedark, perhaps? Have you any suggestions?"
Courtesy is the basis of a strong relationship, which was why Bloodbyrn was annoyed with the tone her lord chose to employ when he answered her entirely reasonable question.
"And Even if I wanted to…wanted any of the women in this castle at all," Feerborg continued, "do you think I would tell you their names so you could kill them?"
"Some men might make such conciliatory gesture on the night of their un-marriage, yes," Bloodbyrn answered with what she hoped was her usual patience and equanimity. "My lord, the Hafdern is waiting."
"Well, I don't know any women aside from you anyway."
Bloodbyrn frowned, "of course you do. You are the Ultimate Fiend. Women are helpless before your sinister power. It draws them, as a flame draws a moth, a flickering promise of pleasure, pain, and danger, and they cannot resist its temptation. Furthermore you are not so unattractive."
Her soon-to-be master did not thank her for her complimentary words, but said instead, "You mean that's why women here keep throwing themselves at me? Let's just say that I haven't seen that end well. Like I saw it end very not well a few hours ago."
"Well, Lady Ashwing, may she writhe forever in torment, was exceptional," said Bloodbyrn, "but surely the lesser nobility have been keeping you company…no? Well then the foreign dignitaries, Sangboise or sSt'tdraschni maidens? Prisoners of war? The more humanoid ogres?"
The Hafdern, black dagger out held, coughed uncomfortably at the foot of the dais.
"Yuck! No, Bloodbyrn!"
"My lord you have been Ultimate Fiend for over a week! Do you expect me to believe you have had no liaisons at all in that time? Next you will tell me you haven't even raped any serving women."
Her lord made a sort of whiny growl in his throat. "I get my food from a three-foot goblin with one really big eye and one really small one. That or a swarm of little black bugs. Yes, I have been surrounded by…terrifying women all the time since I got here, it seems like. Frankly, I've tried to avoid them."
What sort of invertebrate was this man? Bloodbyrn gave up on courtesy. "Well, whom are we supposed to kill then?"
"How about no one?"
"Do not be deliberately obstreperous, my lord!" Bloodbyrn took a moment to control herself. "All right. In the interest of matrimonial harmony, I suppose I could offer to kill one of your rivals for my attention. Would that be acceptable? One of my previous lovers resides in this very room with us now."
Feerborg's face twitched. He scanned the room, which was unfortunately full of an unappealing array of provincial lords, her father, and the ancient and corrupted priests.
"Feerix," said Bloodbyrn. "I was referring to Prince Feerix."
"What?!" said booth Feerborg and Feerix in identical tones of horror and surprise.
Feerborg recovered his wits first, "Bloodbyrn, Feerix?"
"He was supposed to be the Ultimate Fiend before your existence was known, my lord."
"That was not the reason you came to me, as I recall it!" Came the inevitable reply from the audience.
Bloodbyrn sighed. Men and the bruises to their dignity. If she did not curtail this discussion, they would never accomplish anything this evening.
"What shall it be, my lord?" she asked over Feerix's rising protestations.
"She said she had never met a man she couldn't tame before me."
"Shut up, Feerix!" Bloodbyrn was surprised to hear her lord's voce as well as her own participating in that censure.
The Hafdern coughed again. He was slowly climbing the steps toward them, muttering unpleasantly to himself under his breath, his fingers clutching the mouse hung around his neck.
"My lord," repeated Bloodbyrn, "whom are we to kill?"
"My lord, dark lady?" Hafdern Teirgog stood on the next step down from the top of the dais, dagger still out held, mouse still clutched, his towering head-dress level with the top of Bloodbyrn's head. "As to the sacrifice?"
"Yes?" said both Bloodbyrn and Feerborg in tones of exasperation.
"The sacrifice, dark lady," the Hafdern said as the bones of the mouse cracked in his hand, "is you."
The priest's face twisted suddenly into a snarl of rage and terrible purpose as he flung aside the dagger and the vessel of life energy and reached for her with darkly-glowing hands. An assassination attempt. How tedious.
An Illustration of Bloodbyrn
by dan on February 17, 2012 at 10:03 amGuess what I found browsing deviantart. Snowkatt101 has unwittingly made a very accurate picture of Bloodbyrn DeMacabre (aside from the horns and tail, of course).
Actually the coincidence isn't that surprising. I used deviantart as a mine for fantasy archetypes I used when I described my characters, and so these influences are floating around all over the place.
Can anyone out there find other "illustrations" of characters from the Kingdoms of Evil? At some point I'll also share the images I used as references.
And please click the picture to view the full-sized version. If you have a devart account, favorite it.
Audio sample and commentary on my next book!
by dan on December 24, 2011 at 3:52 pm
The people: Paul Jenkins, Pavlina Borisova-Bensen, Daniel M. Bensen
The Menu: Duck on a bed of wheat, hot apple cider, and "The Wrath of Khan"
The purpose: to read through the next chapter of Dan's new book, and help him see what needs fixing.
Three Scary Voices Presents:
The World's Other Side
Chapter 3 (and commentary)
- podcast1 (Wentama meets a White leader and gives him a warning)
- podcast2 (Father Barnabas, priest of White-town, confronts George Boatman)
- podcast3 (Bounce goes shopping with Joan)
- podcast4 (commentary from the readers and author)
In case you don't know, the World's Other Side is my completed second novel, a alt-history, sci-fi thriller-romance I'm currently polishing up to show to literary agents and (eventually, hopefully) get published. To do that, though, I needed a way to gain perspective on the story, and see what worked and what didn't on a big scale. Enter Paul Jenkins, playwright extraordinaire and fellow EFL teacher, who suggested an outloud reading of the book (actually, this is a simplification. Paul originally came up with the idea of reading through The Kingdoms of Evil, and he, Pavlina, and I read through several chapters of Freetrick's adventures...which it didn't occur to me to record. Sorry). Anyway, I deeply thank Paul for his idea, and for agreeing to lend his (professionally) trained voice to the recording. I also thank Pavlina, who had already read and commented upon this chapter twice (first when I first wrote it, and then again after I had written the whole book, for which I owe her a picture of a baby Triceratops...it's a long story).
Neither me nor Pavlina are trained speakers, and none of us has the first clue of what to do with audio recording aside from which end of the microphone to talk into. So I apologize in advance for the quality of this production. It's not supposed to be an audio- or podio-book as much as it is a teaser for my new book, and a way for interested people to see part of my writing process. Stay tuned at the end for commentary by the Three Scary Voices.
And now for some background in the story. You're going to listen to Chapter 3, in which the character introductions are mostly done and we set up for the plot. Here's what you haven't read yet (unless you're one of my beta readers. For more information on being a beta reader, see the bottom of this page):
The World's Other Side is a alt-history romance/techno-thriller that takes place in an alternate-history world in the Age of Exploration turned out very differently. Five hundred years ago, the people of the southern super-continent of Gondwana discovered and colonized the Northern Hemisphere. Now, a tiny community of English-speaking refugees tries to survive in the North American city of Shikaakwa, capital of the Native-run Ilinwa Republic.
George Boatman is the leader of a gang of young men of White-town. Although he once trained to be a priest, George is now the leader of a gang, fighting to protect the White-Towners against the Ilinwa majority.
Bounce Nakmara is a foreign student from the world's strongest military and economic power, Gondwana. She studied the Ilinwa language, but finds herself living with a host-family of English-speaking barbarians.
Wentama Inoka is a police officer of the Native American Ilinwa majority, who falls in love with a White girl.
Joan is George's sister and the object of Wentama's affection. She finds herself straddling two worlds, unwilling to choose one over the other.
In chapter one, the story opened with an act of vengeance. In retaliation for the rape and beating of a woman in his community, George Boatman firebombed the Ilinwa culprit's house. Upon his arrival home, George discovered that his grandmother agreed to host a foreign student from wealthy and powerful Gondwana.
The student, Bounce Nakmara, was everything George hated about modern global society. She was arrogant and commanding, sexually promiscuous, and scornful of the faith and traditions of his people. Worse, as a wealthy, foreigner she would bring down the scrutiny of the local police.
The police were already interested in George's community. In chapter two it emerged that the house George burned down had been owned by a member of a powerful local crime syndicate, the Mound-Builders. A scion of the syndicate was killed in the fire, and now the boss demanded vengeance. Wentama, an Ilinwa (Native American) police officer working the White-Town beat, has been charged with finding the culprit and "nailing him to a tree."
Interested in the story? Want to give your feedback? Want a free dinosaur picture? Become a beta reader and all this wealth and power can be yours. Just let me know in the comments if you're interested.
Thanks for listening!
Ladies, Gentlemen, Reptiles
by dan on December 3, 2011 at 10:55 am
Here's a little something-something I wrote to accompany the Kingdoms of Evil. Enjoy!
~~~
Ladies, gentlemen…uh, assorted reptiles, may I have your attention please?
Oh, excuse me, what I of course meant to say was hark unto me, legions of the damned, else may the fires of the Maelstrom blast ye from the earth!
Thank you. Thank you. Please be seated.
Ladies, gentlemen, and reptiles, this is a time of transition. The old Ultimate Fiend of the Kingdoms of Evil is dead—may the blood never dry from his hands—and I, your new despot, am untested and unknown. I am sure you have many questions about my intentions, which I will try to answer during this presentation.
All right. First—I’m sure all of you are anxious to hear about my plans concerning our mortal enemies, the forces of Good. It will gratify you to know that I do have a proposed solution to the eternal struggle between Good and, uh, us, but that will actually come second in priority under my other projects.
You see, ladies, gentlemen, reptiles, this is not the time to focus on foreign affairs. This is the time to look inward, to fix problems within the Kingdoms of Evil.
I know what you are all thinking—how can we act to stamp out light and goodness in the world if we don’t make foreign policy our top priority? Well, the truth is that if we don’t shift our attention to our own problems, we’re not going to be in a position to stamp on anyone.
Basically, ladies, gentlemen, reptiles, the Kingdoms of Evil are in trouble.
First: we’re broke. Oh, we have some priceless artifacts, but we can’t use the Taloned Scepter of Khattd’ragu to finance a new public works projects. Nobody would pay money for the Gauntlet of Storm and Shadow, even if it can rip living souls from their bodies.
Which brings me to the next problem: we have no one to trade with. The countries around us have all declared undying vengeance and eternal battle against the forces of, once again, us. Villagers run screaming before us, ports would rather burn their docks than let our ships land, and every time we send a maggot-tongued abomination to parlay with the Council of Reason, it gets its head lopped off by a Paladin.
So. We have no money. Why is this a problem? Because, ladies, gentlemen, and reptiles, we have no food. Think about this for a moment. Think about the Bleaklands that surround us. We have lakes of molten rock. We have permanent storms that cloak the sky in a Maelstrom of dark and oppressive power. What we do not have is farm land. What are our monsters going to eat?
Yes, I see your hand there. Claw. Yes?
No. No, I’m sorry, we cannot simply eat each other.
To dig ourselves out of this hole, we will need to work hard, and work together.
Now. I want you all to take a moment to look around you. Look at the monster on your left, and the monster on your right. Say hello. No. No, please do not sink your teeth into your neighbor’s jugular. This is what I’m talking about. I have had to replace my chief of staff twice in the past three weeks because just walking around in this black castle, the average person stands a three to one chance of being eaten alive.
To put it simply, ladies, gentlemen, and reptiles, our Evil lifestyle is not sustainable.
So, ladies, gentlemen, reptiles, I ask you all to re-examine your motives. Ask yourselves, what good is Good and Evil? Is the eternal struggle between Light and Darkness going to put food on our tables? Or bleeding gobbets on our flat stones, whichever the case may be? No!
We have based our moral system, our entire civilization, on doing the opposite of what everyone else thinks is good. Of course, a lot of what they think is good is just them doing the opposite of what they see us doing. And in the end, what profit does this generate for anyone?
What we need to do, ladies, gentlemen, and reptiles, is to take a good long look at ourselves. We must each ask ourselves this question: How Evil do I want to be? Do I want to chop up my brother into little pieces? No. Because, intact, my brother can give me advice and lend a hand when I’m in trouble. Do I want to eat my own children? No. Because my children can work and support me in my old age. Do I want to betray my friends, spread poisons across my land, and blot out the sun with never-ending darkness? No. Those things are not Evil. They are Stupid.
So I ask you, ladies, gentlemen, and reptiles, no, I demand that you forget Good and Evil, and instead live according to the rules of Smart and Stupid. Because no one can win in the battle between Good and Evil. But if we are Smart, the odds in a fight against Stupid are much, much better.
Thank you ladies, gentlemen, and reptiles. I will now take questions.
The new book is finished! (please read it!)
by dan on October 13, 2011 at 12:33 pmThe pitch:
George Boatman is the leader of a gang of young men, a half-trained priest with an overwhelming sense of justice, and responsibility. Trying to right the wrongs by the native majority of Shikaakwa, he starts a cycle of escalating violence that threatens his entire community. Worse, a foreign language teacher from powerful and godless Gondwana is living in his house, bringing down attention from the authorities, and trying to seduce him. As threats mount and a policeman makes advances on George's young sister, it seems his life and cause might come utterly undone.
Aspiring language teacher Bounce Nakmara did not expect to spend her time in Shikaakwa dealing with other people's problems. Even less did she expect to home-stay with a group of superstitious, barely-civilized, English-speaking savages. As she comes to like and understand her host family, however, Bounce sees the dangers looming over them. In the midst of wide-spread racism, oppression, religious extremism, and gang war, Bounce, the family, and a sympathetic police officer search for a way to save White-town, as well as their own lives.
The World's Other Side is a 100, 000-word alternate history novel about minority rights, religious extremism, love, and flying robots. You can learn more about it at bensen-daniel.deviantart.com/gallery/27912685
~~~
Alright everyone, I have officially finished the first draft of my new book, the World's Other Side.
The next step is to read it through again and edit it for plot (as well as typos), and for that, I need help.
IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN BEING A BETA READER PLEASE LET ME KNOW I enormously (and pathetically) appreciate any help anyone is willing
to give (from, "you missed a comma," to "it doesn't make sense that he would do that" to, "I just don't like it.") People who beta-read my first book (kingdoms of evil) had a lot of fun (right? RIGHT?) and got their names in the acknowledgements. So there's that.
Heck, if you beta-read this thing for me, I WILL EVEN DRAW A DINOSAUR FOR YOU! That is how serious I am.
Next book
by dan on October 7, 2011 at 6:38 pmAnd on a related note, I wrote the climactic scene of the new book today. NOW all that remains is to read it to Pavlina, argue with her about what I should change, eventually admit that she's right about the changes, make them, write the LAST chapter, and then repeat the process with Pavlina. And then I'll be DONE.
Or at least, I will only have to read through the whole thing again (there will be three major rewrites I can think of off the top of my head), and then comes the horrific process of submitting to agents (combining the worst aspects of dating, job applications, and picking teams for kick-ball in gym class).
But I will be ready to send the book out to beta readers...
...SOON...