ch12:07 Bloodbyrn
by dan on February 16, 2012 at 7:00 amNaked and painted in blood, Bloodbyrn stood at the center of the altar of the Ceremonial Seraglio beside the strange, incomprehensible boy from the Do-Gooder nations, and tried not to think about the future.
"Fiends!" Feerborg's response, whatever it might have been, was drowned out by the shriek from Hafdern Teirgog. "Brothers in darkness! Heed my words of doom and despair, for on this day, Merciless the 7th of Skullmoon, Year One of the Rein of His Malevolence Despot Feerborg, the destiny of the universe shall shake to its roots!"
Bloodbyrn glanced at her lord out of the corner of her eyes. Feerborg was hunching, covering his nakedness, looking ready to leap off the altar and dash out the door at the first opportunity. Dark ladies of the royal blood of Sangboire did not experience panic. Yet the emotion that welled up in Bloodbyrn, sudden and unexpected, was at least very profound disquiet.
When faced with unbearable circumstances, Bloodbyrn reflected, it was of inestimable benefit to one's mental state to occupy one's mind with pleasant thoughts. A properly constructed mental sanctum could do wonders for one's equanimity, and recently Bloodbyrn had had much cause to make use of her own.
"Fiends and brothers in darkness," intoned the Hafdern lifting his arms and letting his dark robes fall back from his claw-like hands, "We are gathered here today to witness the initiation of the mortal battle between His Malevolence Feerborg, Despot of Skrea and Ultimate Fiend of the Kingdoms of Evil, and Lady Bloodbyrn DeMacabre, dominatrix of lower Joublournie and Carnivé, heir to the Clot of Torture."
Now, when circumstances, if not unbearable, were at least extremely disagreeable, Bloodbyrn fixed an expression confidence on her face and retreated in her mind. Back to the subject that had brought her much comfort in these recent, trying times.
Bloodbyrn thought about kittens.
"What is the Skrean un-marriage?" Hafdern Teirgog was saying, his voice a screech of singular unpleasantness, "Technically of course, it is simply the Skrean Despot taking a woman before witnesses and then not killing her afterward, but is that all? In our long and hideous history, have we not seen that a hard and cruel woman may spur her man onward to ever greater depths of depravity? That, dark brethren, is the true meaning of the institution of un-marriage."
A new kitten, she promised herself, after all this was over. As the king's first conquest she would have easy access to Wrothgrinn's laboratory. Damn the man for supplying her with the temptation, but if this fiasco was not enough to deserve a reward, nothing would be.
"Many have fought this battle before, and many will do so in the future. It is the greatest battle, the battle between man and woman, from which all other battles perforce originate."
Bloodbyrn's mind drifted away into a pleasant world of soft fur and damp pink noses.
"What form shall their un-holy union take?" Teirgog intoned, "Will the bellows and screams of their repeated and brutal conquests shake the volcanic foundations of the castle, as those of King Murdmort and the Dark Princess Rathcurl are said to have done?"
As long as she remained discrete, all would be well.
"Will each forever seek new ways to dismember the other, as in King Madgrog and Clawshriek?"
Bloodbyrn had, after all, concealed her shameful addiction at school, and in the castle, she had much more clout, and more opportunities for privacy.
"Or, like Skreon the Worst and his consort the Witch Queen Allbane, will they march forth arm in arm to grind the world beneath their boot heels? Only time will tell."
First, she would go back to the laboratory of the Life-twister Wrothgrinn, confiscate all the kittens—no, only one kitten, mustn't be greedy—and then spirit it back to her private rooms.
"May their battle result in much violence and bloodshed."
Good, the ceremony was nearly over. Bloodbyrn could almost feel the kitten's fur, under her fingertips. Sinful as a kiss from the Ultimate Fiend…
"May it fill their lives with delicious pain and bring suffering to all those around them. May it cost the lives of many. And may it continue long, before one or both of the combatants are destroyed."
No. Bloodbyrn blinked. This was no time to be thinking about Feerborg.
"Now if there is anyone present who knows any reason why this union is not an abomination against nature and decency, let him speak now, or forever hold his peace."
Bloodbyrn woke from her reverie to glare at Feerix. The prince put his hand down.
"Your Malevolence King Feerborg, under the Maelstrom Despot of Skrea, Grasper of the Bolt, Lord of Pain, Terror under all Terrors, High Master of the Blood, and Crowned Ultimate Fiend of the Kingdoms of Evil, do you swear to take this woman in the most horrible way possible, to show her no mercy, to heed not her wails of distress, until one of you is inevitably slaughtered?"
"What?---ow! Yes, fine. I do."
It was times like these that tested one's equanimity. Bloodbyrn gritted her teeth and pressed her heel warningly into the top of her lord's foot.
"And do you, Bloodbyrn DeMacabre, dominatrix of lower Joublournie and Carnivé, heir to the Clot of Torture, swear to fight against your husband in all ways, to grant him not one moment's rest without danger, not one moment of sweetness, not one glimmer of light, not one moment of hope, until one of you is inevitably slaughtered?"
"I do," she said. Yes. A kitten for all of this bother, as well as for the trials ahead. Killing Feerborg would not be simple or easy.
"Then, press your bodies to each other," said the Hafdern Teirgog, "that your blood will pump hot and your screams shall mingle pain and pleasure."
Bloodbyrn did so, feeling the charged tingle as the channels of blood on their skins crossed.
"Let the peoples of the world hear your united cries, and quail with fear."
Bloodbyrn pressed herself against her lord, her cheek against his chest. At least his body was nicely shaped, she thought, and clearly he thought the same about her given his physical reaction.
"Now, clasp your hands together around the hilt of this black-bladed knife, and together lift them up to the tempest above."
The Hafdern now left his place in the triskaidekagram and walked a few steps up the terraced platform of the dais to hold up the ceremonial dagger.
"As you plunge your single blade into the beating heart of your enemy, let your souls be joined, now and forever, in un-holy union."
Someone, noticing as Bloodbyrn did that something important was missing here, spoke from the darkness. "Shall we…bring forth the sacrifice?"
"Huh?" King Feerborg jerked beside her, "What sacrifice?"
Discussion (2) ¬
Would it be Monster Killer? Would it be Duke DeMacabre? Would it be Feerix? Would it be a KITTEN? Tune in tomorrow for the Next Episode of The Kingdoms of Evil! Dun Dun DUN!!!
None of the above