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“What if?”

There’s a stark difference asking that question about the past vs. the future—a drink of despair vs. a drink of possibility.

Real tears over a real friend last night. And this morning.

We’ve had to say goodbye to someone on our team five times in the past year. Five.

At this point in 2011, we’d never had anyone leave our team. But I recently started using TwitShift to follow my own tweets from a year ago, so I’m soon to see the outer ripples of our first loss come into my twitter stream, with four more to follow. Each painful in their own unique snowflake way. Each wound still fresh.

Sure, coming and going is part of business. But I’m not a business guy. Yes, I’ve learned a lot about it and run a (usually!) profitable one for four years now, but at the end of the day, I set out to build a life I enjoyed and a team I loved to work with and learn from more than a profitable business.

When I was five, I started a club and named it The Weirdo Snakes Club. (Which is what my mom secretly calls &yet.) Today, some of my closest friends are people who were in that first club—and this one.

As I’ve often said, I once asked my father what the best lesson he’s learned about business and he said, “It’s about people.” 

If &yet had an origins story, it might be found in that conversation. A radioactive entrepreneurial bite combined with that advice produced……!  This!

This great and beautiful mess of loss and profit, disaster and adventure, fear and boldness, pain and joy.

A mess I wouldn’t trade anything for.

First, create space.

An announcement not involving going to a castle, but in my personal opinion (and this is my personal blog), an announcement that is cooler and more exciting

As a guy who lives for change and is embarrassingly addicted to novelty, I’m a pretty nostalgic guy.

For those of us who have used email for most of our lives, the nostalgia box is pretty deep.

I have one pulled up right now.

This particular email is from one of my best friends and closest advisors before I knew he’d become that. It doesn’t read quite like I’d expect that to.

I was, at the time, just 5 months into The &yet Adventure, a naive and lonely freelancer, sub-leasing a 10x10 office from Nathan Fritz’s company, Bridged Analytics—the office also simultaneously containing Nathan Fritz and Michael Garvin, the three of us and our multiple-monitor setups economically packed like cyborg sardines. (Of course, this was a full year before Nathan would actually become a member of the &yet team.)

The email simply reads:

  Fix your captcha so the value isn't actually
  hidden in the form. (put it in the session
  and check the post) Friend of the fritz.. -Adam

And that was my first introduction to Adam Baldwin.

The next was him walking into the office while I had my headphones on and scaring me so bad I physically leapt from my chair at his tap on my shoulder. (I’m a sorta jumpy guy when focused.)

But back to that first introduction.

Clearly, the capchta had a pretty humorous problem which I wasn’t aware of, but now I’m getting a fairly humbling email from some dude who I’ve never met about it? Hadn’t ever experienced that.

Adam Baldwin has this habit of passively assessing the security of every site he visits. In fact, he has dozens of scripts and tools he’s written to help him do this while he browses. Heck, the man has *job systems* spinning for this purpose.

As this, I’ve come to learn, *this* is totally Adam Baldwin.

This is Adam Baldwin, too: aka evilpacket, who in addition to poking holes in my capchta, uncovered Basecamp vulnerabilities that encouraged 37Signals to change their policies for handling reported vulnerabilities, found huge holes in Sprint/Verizon MiFi (that made for one of the most hilarious stories I’ve been a part of), published vulnerabilities *twice* to root Rackspace, shared research to uberhackers at DEFCON, and has on-and-off advised the likes of GitHub, AirBNB, and LastPass on security.

This a guy who out here in the middle of nowhere built a badass security consulting business while gradually advising this web designer into somehow building a 15 person software team full of people The Valley would love to get their hands on.

And now, somehow, this:

I get the privilege of announcing that Adam Baldwin will be joining our team at &yet as CSO—a double title: Chief of Software Operations and Chief Security Officer.

Adam will be adding his security consultancy, alongside &yet’s other consulting services, but will also be overseeing our team’s software processes, something he has informed, shaped, and helped externally verify since, I think, before most of our team was born.

Um, this?

This is awesome.

I don’t want to be your boss.

Note: this was originally written as an internal email to my team at &yet. I’m making it open because that’s how you make things better.

- - -

You want to know why I don’t want to be your boss? It isn’t fun or useful for either of us.

You don’t get to grow and use the maximum of your talents because of your fears for your job and I don’t get to work with a brilliantly gifted *you* as an invited collaborator. Instead you’re an order taker and I’m an order placer. Ugh.

Folks who I do not have any fear about this are those I’ve worked with the longest—Amy, Fritzy, Nate, and Henrik, particularly. But that’s a pretty small corner of our team of soon-to-be-17 at this point. I do feel like I work with them completely differently than I work with most of the rest of you—and it’s so frustrating and discouraging to me. I feel like I’m often trapped in a role that I just keep living out and it’s one that I seriously don’t want.

(Sidenote: I read the Steve Jobs bio and let’s just say the working title could well have been, “Asshole: The Movie!” Sure, Apple makes great stuff we all love, but I have no interest in working together like that and I won’t call Steve Jobs a role model as a leader.)

Do I have opinions? Do I care how things are done? Well, of course I do! What kind of a place would &yet be to work if we weren’t passionate enough about the work we did to be strongly opinionated about it?

But here’s the important thing: I expect you to be ridiculously opinionated as well. And I expect you to express those opinions—and when you feel you aren’t being heard or understood, to blockade the door until you have been, if it’s important.

We were discussing this in general yesterday and Fritzy pointed out something. He asked, “Who’s a ‘C’ on our team? It’s the most vocally opinionated people.” (By which he’s referring to the “Chief” in some folks’ title—himself as Chief Architect, Nate as CTO, Eric as COO, me as CEO, although I know he’d extend the same to non-C titles like Henrik’s as “President” and Amy’s as “Art Director”.)

But it’s not the C that means anything—it’s the willingness to care enough to do the work of being honest when you think I’m wrong. 

To continue the same line of thinking, Adam Baldwin has served &yet without title as the most important company advisor we’ve had for years. For three and a half years solid, I’ve called him, IM’d him, and emailed him to challenge my thinking and tell me what’s stupid about what I have in my head.

I expect the same from you.

As I’ve said before in conversation, I like to think of my job as to have as few original ideas as possible, hire the best teachers I can, listen and learn as often as possible, and help facilitate decisions that bring together the best of what our team as a whole can do.

I can’t claim ownership for most of the best ideas our company has ever had—all I can claim is just often enough picking and working like mad on the right ones.

Now, by saying “I don’t want to be your damn boss”, I’m not saying I wish I could reject my responsibilities.

I will reluctantly *be* the boss when it’s necessary. And I will (and do) undoubtedly worry the heck out of the things that a CEO ought to—particularly answering questions like:

1. Where are we going tomorrow?
2. How do we need to work today so that we have money in the bank tomorrow?
3. What hard compromises must we make right now in order to balance #1 and #2?

And even those questions are team questions. I don’t think I’ve ever involved fewer than two or three other people in making those calls, explicitly *because* I take the responsibility quite seriously.

As I’ve learned and ever since have frequently said, leadership is about responsibility more than authority. Those who act with a high degree of responsibility will be provided whatever authority is necessary for them to carry out the responsibilities they’ve taken on.

The other reason I don’t want to be your damn boss is I don’t consider myself a very good manager. Can I get a group of folks to get things done? Yes, but that’s not management, that’s leadership and there’s a huge difference.

Management is a methodical process of setting expectations, measuring them, and making adjustments to plans based on results. It has as one goal to turn workers into replaceable components in a machine. I completely suck at working that way.

I’ve said it over and over again: “Most problems are a problem of leadership.” I prefer to solve pretty much all problems this way and, in fact, I want every single person in our organization to see themselves as and to be a leader of our company. (Coincidentally, it’s one of my secret goals that everyone who has the desire and necessary responsibility to lead should have the opportunity to play a C-level role.)

I want to work with creative, intelligent people who know how to manage themselves—and me (along with the rest of their teammates). That’s an easier skill for some than others, but it’s something that can most certainly be acquired. I think the biggest step is actually realizing that’s an essential part of your job, and most certainly a central aspect of doing the best job you possibly can.

VISA founder and CEO Dee Hock has a concept of what he thinks this looks like. Here’s an excerpt from an article (What’s below is also quite similiar to a section that’s also in his book which I highly recommend over and over.)

Leader presumes follower. Follower presumes choice. One who is coerced to the purposes, objectives, or preferences of another is not a follower in any true sense of the word, but an object of manipulation. Nor is the relationship materially altered if both parties voluntarily accept the dominance of one by the other. A true leader cannot be bound to lead. A true follower cannot be bound to follow. The moment they are bound they are no longer leader or follower. If the behavior of either is compelled, whether by force, economic necessity, or contractual arrangement, the relationship is altered to one of superior/subordinate, manager/employee, master/servant, or owner/slave. All such relationships are materially different from leader/follower.

A vital question is how to insure that those who lead are constructive, ethical, open, and honest. The answer is to follow those who behave in that manner. It comes down to both individual and collective sense of where and how people choose to be led. In a very real sense, followers lead by choosing where to be led. Where an organizational community will be led is inseparable from the shared values and beliefs of its members. True leaders are those who epitomize the general sense of the community - who symbolize, legitimize and strengthen behavior in accordance with the sense of the community… A true leader’s behavior is induced by the behavior of every individual choosing where to be led.

Over the years, I always ask each person to describe the single most important responsibility of any manager… Management inevitably is viewed as exercise of authority - with selecting employees, motivating them, training them, appraising them, organizing them, directing them, and controlling them. That perception is mistaken.

The first and paramount responsibility of anyone who purports to manage is to manage self: one’s own integrity, character, ethics, knowledge, wisdom, temperament, words, and acts. Without management of self no one is fit for authority no matter how much they acquire, for the more authority they acquire the more dangerous they become. It is the management of self that should occupy 50 percent of our time and the best of our ability. And when we do that, the ethical, moral and spiritual elements of management are inescapable.

The second responsibility is to manage those who have authority over us: bosses, supervisors, directors, regulators, ad infinitum. Without their consent and support, how can we follow conviction, exercise judgment, use creative ability, achieve constructive results or create conditions by which others can do the same? Devoting 25 percent of our time and ability to that effort is not too much.

The third responsibility is to manage one’s peers - those over whom we have no authority and who have no authority over us - associates, competitors, suppliers, customers… Without their respect and confidence little or nothing can be accomplished. Is it not wise to devote at least 20 percent of our time, energy, and ingenuity to managing them?

Obviously, the fourth responsibility is to manage those over whom we have authority. The common response is that all one’s time will be consumed managing self, superiors and peers. There will be no time to manage subordinates. Exactly! One need only select decent people, introduce them to the concept, induce them to practice it, and enjoy the process… It is not making better people of others that leadership is about. In today’s world effective leadership is chaordic. It’s about making a better person of self.

The obvious question then always erupts. How do you manage superiors, bosses, regulators, associates, customers? The answer is equally obvious. You cannot. But can you understand them? Can you persuade them? Can you motivate them? Can you disturb them, influence them, forgive them? Can you set them an example? Eventually the proper word emerges. Can you lead them? Of course you can, provided only that you have properly led yourself. There are no rules and regulations so rigorous, no organization so hierarchical, no bosses so abusive that they can prevent us from behaving this way. No individual and no organization, short of killing us, can prevent such use of our energy, ability, and ingenuity…

In the deepest sense, distinction between leaders and followers is meaningless. In every moment of life, we are simultaneously leading and following. There is never a time when our knowledge, judgment and wisdom are not more useful and applicable than that of another. There is never a time when the knowledge, judgment and wisdom of another are not more useful and applicable than ours. At any time that “other” may be superior, subordinate, or peer. People are not “things” to be manipulated, labeled, boxed, bought, and sold. Above all else, they are not “human resources.” We are entire human beings, containing the whole of the evolving universe, limitless until we are limited, whether by self or others.

Footnote: I definitely don’t have the answers. I’m just sharing the thoughts I’ve come to. :)

You tend to get told that the world is the way it is, but life can be much broader once you discover one simple fact; and that is that everything around you that you call life was made up by people no smarter than you. Once you learn that, you’ll never be the same again.

An old favorite quote by Thomas Merton was brought back to mind as I read a new favorite section in the Jurgen Moltmann book I’m digging into.

In No Man is an Island, Thomas Merton says:

This discovery of Christ is never genuine if it is nothing but a flight from ourselves. On the contrary, it cannot be an escape. It must be a fulfillment. I cannot discover God in myself and myself in Him unless I have the courage to face myself exactly as I am, with all my limitations, and to accept others as they are, with all their limitations. The religious answer is not religious if it is not fully real. Evasion is the answer of superstition.

And, in The Passion of Life, Jurgen Moltmann echoes similar thoughts, but adds an additional angle of light to Merton’s insight:

A life which is worthy of the gospel liberates us to be ourselves and fills us with the powers of the Spirit. We are enabled to give ourselves up and trust ourselves to the leading of the Spirit. Then we are able to accept ourselves just as we are, with our possibilities and limitations, and thereby gain a new spontaneity. We are freed to live with God in the covenant of freedom. The life worthy of the gospel also has its discipline, but it is the discipline of love and joy, not the discipline of anxiety under the threat of the law.

From The Passion of Life

Cash Flow’s Hierarchy of Greeds

I presume you’re familiar with Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.

In running a business, there’s an interesting parallel, which I’d like to call Cash Flow’s Hierarchy of Greeds:

Level 1
Oh, crap. We’re actually going to die. We’re going to lose so much money. Our children will starve. Our spouses will have to hide their faces in public. This is awful.

Level 2
Whew. We’re not actually going to lose our shirts, but dang it! Why can’t we just break even? This is awful.

Level 3
Ohman this is so awesome. We’re actually gonna break even!!! But why the hell can’t we just make a profit? This is awful.

Level 4
Sweet! We’re actually making a little bit of money! But why is this making so little money? We’ve put so much work into this and this is all we’re getting in return? This is awful.

Level 5
Woo hoo! We’re actually making a reasonable profit. This is amazing!! But why aren’t we making anywhere near as much as those guys? This is awful.

…

Level 16

HECK YES. We actually own a huge market share and we’re making great profits doing it!! But we still haven’t funded our children’s retirement. This is awful.

…

And so it goes.

In sum, it truly doesn’t matter how much money you’re making, if you’re only looking forward to getting to that “next” level, you’re going to be continuously disappointed to find out that there’s always a next level.

Much better to focus on what’s really important and be grateful every, every, every day for the amazing cache of blessings we already have.

I’m reminded time and time again of one of my mom’s favorite quotes from Abraham Lincoln: “Most people are about as happy as they make their minds up to be.”

Related side note: I’m really excited about this app some friends from Toronto are making: 1Thing App, which is all about gratitude.

Where Jesus is, there’s life. There’s abundant life, vigorous life, loved life, and eternal life. There is life-before-death.

Trust is not negotiable. One either trusts or one does not. I prefer trust.