How To Be Free Of That One Person You Just Can’t Forgive!
by Mastin Kipp on February 20, 2012
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Yesterday was the final day of Marianne Williamson’s amazing “The Enchanted Love” workshop.
The weekend was very powerful for me.
What came up for me in the workshop wasn’t about my relationship with Jenna directly. It was actually about a former business partner I had. And I haven’t been in partnership with this person for about three years now. But what came up for me was still a lot of anger and resentment towards this person.
I was shocked because I thought I had put it behind me. But I hadn’t. For all the Love I give and all the work I’ve done, there it was, still down there. And it came up big time on Saturday night. It came after Marianne ran us through an exercise where we got to dive into the shadows of our own self as well as the shadows of someone who we still had anger for.
It was interesting in my own personal inventory that all the shadow parts of myself were some of the same shadow elements that I saw in my former business partner.
Marianne went on to ask is we had been easy, loving and compassionate towards ourselves for our character defects, to which I and most of the audience said, “yes”. Her request then was to then be as loving and forgiving towards others for the same transgressions.
And this was a big aha moment for me – that and the realization that in this former partnership, I had really put my partner in the place where The Uni-verse should be. And if you read TDL you will know that that is a setup for pain. And pain is what I got. And pain, anger and resentment is what came up on Saturday night for.
I’m so blessed to have an amazing girlfriend, Jenna, who just held space for me during this moment and didn’t take my anger personally. It was such a moment, because instead of me making the anger wrong, I just let it come up and find expression. It was a tremendous moment where I felt like the splinter of this anger that I have been carrying around for years finally started to get pushed to the surface. And in me allowing it to come up, and then love it, understand it and accept it, it lessened.
And then what I get to do is take responsibility for placing this former partner of mine in the place where The Uni-verse should have been. This person is an innocent child of The Uni-verse, just as we all are. And they did they best they could from their point of view at the time and there was a huge lesson for me to learn with the assignment of our relationship.
Marianne said that if we really want to step into forgiveness and let someone go, we should pray for his or her happiness for thirty days, which I am starting today.
My ego wants to justify a million different reasons why this person doesn’t deserve it, but my heart intuitively knows that this is the right thing to do.
So, another layer has been peeled back and in doing so, my ego gets to be checked again, all in the service of letting go of the past so that I can continue to be the presence of Love as best I can on the planet.
Thank you Marianne for an amazing workshop! I love you!
Can you pray for the happiness of someone you just can’t forgive? What if it would change your life forever? Let us know: WhatImGoingThru@TheDailyLove.com or leave us a comment below.
Love,
Mastin
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Mastin Kipp is the CEO and Founder of The Daily Love. Follow him on Twitter here.
Take what resonates with you in this blog and leave the rest.
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Today’s Visual Inspiration: GIVE & FORGIVE!
by Mastin Kipp on February 20, 2012
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Daily Share: You Did It Again!
by Anonymous TDL Reader on February 20, 2012
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Good morning Mastin! As per usual, you have hit on a topic in your eblog that has caused my gray matter to swirl! This one hit home especially and gave me such an Oprah “Ah-ha” moment I had to write again!
I am at the midway point of this darkside realization in my relationship with my husband. I have certainly recognized what we are showing each other is the good, the bad AND the ugly. I have been churning all this up for probably the past 5 or 6 years. I have been in therapy addressing how I react to it also. Both in how I am going to treat what I see from my husband and also in how to be able to live with the person I am as I respond to these things.
I am now turning the corner from accepting these things and trying to learn to love through it. We are not there yet, and I am kind of dragging him with me but as I do so and I question why we got married in the first place and how it was that we had that wonderfulness back in the beginning helps to lead me full circle, I hope, back to that place that was our enlightenment. We are slowly coming out of our darkness, I like to think. I am dragging him with me because he truly isn’t dimensional enough to do it himself but he willingly will go along for the ride. He’s that easy going. It is my job to do the work, unfortunately, but I think I am. This blog was a huge revelation that I’m on the right track. PLEASE keep up the writing and the searching! I am in awe of your depth and insight! I truly am, and I know that your words were put in my path to help me complete this journey so that when our youngest son is raised and off to college in five years, my husband and I have something left between us. I am thankful for the time I have to figure this all out….
I am enrolled in your En*theos class too…but have a sick child also, so I am having to listen on my own time, and while I haven’t done my first lesson yet I am committed and I can’t wait to learn along with you!
Thank you, again, Mastin, for your thought provoking words and insight into love!
Sincerely and with gratitude,
A TDL Reader
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This was shared with the author’s permission. We take your privacy seriously and would never publish something without your consent. Share what you’re going through by sending Mastin an email: WhatImGoingThru@TheDailyLove.com.
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How Can I Love Myself No Matter What?
by Lisa Bojarski on February 20, 2012
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Wow…this came up in a big way for me tonight. My dear friend and fellow TDL blogger Chris Assad has been in town for the past few days. He inspired me to do a vlog when he posted his about a month ago. I asked him if he would help me do one. That is the last thing I wanted to do. It honestly scares the crap out of me. Being seen, actually seen by people is a huge fear for me. I hoped that if he were there with me it would be easier. I also hoped he forgot that I asked him to help me when I saw him tonight!
Why would I do something that scares me? Because sometimes (most times) you learn more through discomfort than comfort.
We had dinner tonight with Mastin and Jenna. He was ready and raring to do the vlog! Knowing that all through dinner made me completely change the way I showed up…(in my eyes anyways.) The closer we got to doing it I could feel the lump grow bigger in my throat and the tears welling up in my eyes. Every fear about being seen and heard came crashing to the surface. And the questions!! The endless dialogue in my head was non-stop.
Omg… What if I sounded stupid? What if I couldn’t think of anything to say? What if it sucked ass? What if I have something in my teeth? (I didn’t say the questions were good ones!)
As Chris and Mastin started recording Chris’s, I could feel the room grow smaller and my heart almost beat put of my chest. I was paralyzed by my fear! Mastin offered to vlog with me. He was even standing up and cheering me on. I was still frozen. I literally wanted to run out of the restaurant as soon as I could. Obviously I didn’t end up doing one. Not because I didn’t have the opportunity – but because I allowed my fear to swallow me whole.
Chris and I had a long talk after Mastin and Jenna left. It all came down to how much do I really love myself? Why do I strive for perfection when the only person I am trying to be perfect for is me? Why do I always feel like I need to do more “spiritual” work? Can I ever really make myself happy? The questions are constantly coming. Am I doing enough? Am I not doing enough? Am I doing too much? Am I saying the right things? What is right?!!
I didn’t send my blog in last week because the word ‘shit’ was in it too many times and I started questioning the content.
What Chris helped me remember is – it’s not about what you are doing. It’s all about how you are doing it. The what doesn’t even matter if you aren’t coming from a place of self-love. I was pretty low on the self-love tonight. I was at a 3 out of 10.
How do you look when you aren’t loving yourself? Look in the mirror. How would you look if you did love yourself? Would it matter if people liked you or didn’t like you? Is there a constant checklist that goes through your head so you can love yourself?
Oh no… that person doesn’t like what I’m doing = no love.
ugh…I’m having a bad hair day = no love.
I totally fucked up at work = no love.
I need to do more “spiritual work” = no love.
(insert name) didn’t call me back…are they mad at me? = no love.
None of that matters.
There is no checklist you need to do to earn your love. You deserve it for being you right now. You deserved it yesterday and you deserve it tomorrow.
You deserve love in every instant.
I decided to not do the vlog because I wasn’t coming from a place of self-love.
Then I realized it didn’t matter what I did….except love myself exactly as I was in the moment – for being a crying, emotional, vulnerable mess in front of my friends.
Chris gave me a good visual. What if you have a child and you drop them off to be watched. The person says – I will love your child as long as they do blank, blank and blank. Would you leave your child there? No. You are the child right now. And you are also the parent.
Unconditional love means exactly that. Loving what is. Loving no matter what. Loving through it all. I’m going to sleep loving my evening and myself exactly as I am. Why? For no other reason than I deserve it. You deserve it. 10 out of 10.
The best part of loving yourself is you can start right now. There is nothing you need to do differently, there is nothing you need to change about yourself; there is nothing you should or shouldn’t be doing.
So again…if you are in a self-love crisis…ask yourself some questions:
What would love do?
How can you bring even more love to whatever situation you are in right now?
How can I love myself no matter what I do or don’t do?
I am definitely writing those on post its and keeping them in my car and everywhere else I go.
Love you Chris, Mastin and Jenna for witnessing my self-love crisis.
Choosing to LOVE myself!
Lisa xo
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Lisa Bojarski is a writer and stylist. Check out her site here.
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From Prison: Man In The Mirror!
by Chrisfino Leal on February 20, 2012
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“This has not been an easy decision to do this to Mr. Leal, but I think it’s justified.” Those were the words of San Diego Superior Court Justice The Honorable Runston G. Maino as he sentenced me to life in prison for being an ex-felon in possession of a firearm. You’d think that hearing a judge say those words would have alerted me to the fact that I had a serious problem, but at the time I was so busy trying to find a way out of jail that I didn’t realize why I was in jail to begin with.
I spent the next 10-12 years of my incarceration filing appeals, writing writs, and making a host of misguided claims about Judge Maino’s erroneous application of the Three Strikes Law. I failed every time. With each failure I grew more and more bitter because the way I saw it, the whole purpose of Three Strikes was to target violent career criminals, and since I’d only been to prison once in my entire life, I felt I didn’t deserve such a harsh sentence. As far as I was concerned I was a victim of the system. This whole idea of being a victim of the system was something I clung to and often found myself gathering information to not only support my position but also convince others that I was right. During one such episode, I was on the phone complaining to a friend about how screwed up the system was and how bad of a job I thought Judge Maino did on my case. My friend heard all of this before. He listened to me bitch and moan for a few minutes then cut me off and said, “Dude, you need to quit blaming everyone else and look at yourself…the judge didn’t put you in prison, you did!” I tried to argue him down and get him to commiserate with me but he was having none of it. Tempers flared and we ended the call with him telling me not to call him again until I got my shit together. THAT HURT!!! My initial reaction was to get defensive and blame him for not being a real friend but, no matter how I tried to spin it, I couldn’t escape the fact that he was right.
The truth of my friend’s words cut straight through all of my b.s. and forced me to look at the role I played in bringing myself to prison. I was the one who robbed the restaurant and went to prison in 1991. I was the one who left prison in 1994 and chose to hang out with the same people and do some of the same things that contributed to me going to prison in the first place. I was the one who had a firearm in the trunk of my car when I was pulled over on July 9,1994. Nobody else did that …I did that. Accepting all of that for the first time was a defining moment in my life. In that moment of clarity I realized I wasn’t just the problem, I was also the solution. In the days that followed I spent time both mourning the life I had so carelessly given up, and kicking myself for the stupidity I displayed for blaming others for the choices I made. That was a time of despair for me but when The Uni-verse wakes us up It always shows us a way forward, and this time was no different.
Since then, my life and time in prison have new meaning. Today I am no longer bound by denial; instead I am inspired by the truth. I realize I can’t take away the pain I caused in the lives of my victims, their families and their community. However, what I can do is use that pain as a constant reminder of my responsibility to do everything in my power to be a better human being today. A big part of that responsibility revolves around being honest with myself at all times and recognizing that by sharing my experience with others, I can help them avoid making the same kinds of bad choices I made. Perhaps I can even curb the cycle of crime/violence in our communities.
This year, 2012, marks my 18thyear in prison. I have no idea when I will be released, but despite all of the uncertainty, in my heart of hearts, I know am already free…free to learn, free to grow and free to show the world who I am today through my actions, beliefs and my integrity. I cannot change what I did in the past, but I do have control over how I treat people today and in the future.
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@thelastmilesq
Learn more about Chrisfino here.
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Hope In A Bali Orphanage!
by Hillary Pike on February 20, 2012
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Children are a blessing to the world. Their hope and sense of wonder shine so brightly. I had the life changing opportunity to spend time with some of beautiful Balinese children today. We practiced yoga, meditation and danced together. Most of these children were forced by their parents to be beggars on the streets of Bali. They each have a touching story of how they have gotten to this place. You hear the story and wonder how they can smile so beautifully after all they have been through. I admire their courage, no matter how harsh life has been, to still allow spirit to flow so freely within them. They are beautiful spirits who have chosen a difficult journey, which I pray will bring them to a place they can only dream of.
This is the unique gift of children, no matter what has happened they, still believe. They still love and they still smile because they have hope. They know they have a chance to create something better. That’s all they need is a chance. Some of them want to be yoga teachers and they truly are magnificent yogis. Spending two hours with this beautiful group has changed my life forever. These kids are so talented and creative; it is amazing that they are being given the education that will allow them to create the lives they dream of. I am thankful to the founders of Yayasan Kasih Peduli Anak Foundation; The Uni-verse has sent angels to earth that have dedicated their lives to giving these children the love and care they deserve. Each child hugged me, saying thank you and I love you. When I left I gave the girls a pink heart chakra crystal and told them to always remember how loved and beautiful they truly are.
I hope you always hold on to your sense of wonder. No matter what has happened in the past keep your hope for a better tomorrow as these children have. Smile and open to the true blessings all around you. Hope is in every smile. When you open to see how blessed you are, you can take a look around and see what you can do to uplift others. We are all one big family.
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Hillary Pike is certified in Kundalini Yoga, Prenatal Yoga and a meditation Instructor.
Check out her site and follow her on twitter.
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Today’s Quotes: Try To Be Better Than Yourself!
by Mastin Kipp on February 20, 2012
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“When something seems to go wrong, it’s invariably part of a larger right.”
- Jed McKenna, author.
“Always dream and shoot higher than you know you can do. Don’t bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself.”
- William Faulkner, Nobel Prize willing author.
“Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Appreciate your friends. Continue to learn. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is.”
- Mary Anne Radmacher, inspirational writer and artist.
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