love + medicine
Dear K,
Through my Turbulent Twenties, Flirty Thirties and now in my dotage, amidst skies nearly bursting with colorful, pulsating, exhaustively-cultivated stars, there was always the brightest one, dipping her bloody hand into Pandora’s box, pulling out something wretched and wet, holding it up to my face with one hand — shaking it like a Terrier — and in the other hand holding a small, gilt-edged vanity mirror. “Look how ugly your face is when you hate this thing,” the mirror says, and for a moment, I get even uglier for beholding my own ugliness. “You know, you don’t HAVE to be ugly,” you seem to be saying with a shrug.
I don’t know HOW you consistently manage to turn grim chimera into precious keepsakes, and I’m not sure I want to know. If you have to explain a joke, it’s not funny after all. I’m just so grateful that you’ve been in my life for 20+ years, holding up that horrid little mirror, but smiling behind it, saying, “Yah, I hate all that shit too. People fuckin’ suck dude, and Pandora’s box is filled with nothing but people. But look, if you view it through this kaleidoscope or check its rainbow refractions in this cool prism I found, it’s STILL kinda pretty, right? You have to admit that. Also, it’s kinda funny. Hilarious, actually.”
“Yah, okay. I guess. I see,” I allow, begrudgingly at first. Then I’m shocked to glance into the mirror again and find a tiny twitch of a smile on my face. Dorian Grey with a twinkle in his eye. The works of Kafka as translated by David Sedaris.
You continue: “This is a really bad movie we’re watching. The script is awful, the acting execrable, and the director clearly had no direction. I’m gonna make us some tea and orange slices and we’re going to sit right down and MST3K the SHIT outta this bitch! C’mon. Cheer up. It’s FUNNY! But only if you want it to be.”
Cheer up, indeed. Why I oughta … but I ain’t gonna.
Love,
Todd
Dear Kristin,
I am a 25 year old musician who suffers from Bipolar Disorder. I have been a huge fan of your music since I was a teenager and have just finished reading Paradoxical Undressing. It was the most engaging and sincere story I have ever read. Never have I felt the ability to identify with a main character so intimately. The way you expressed your experience with Bipolar, they were the words I have always looked for when trying to understand my own illness. I’ve recommended your book to many of my friends who suffer from Bipolar and are cursed with a creative drive that never ceases to dispense explosions of ugly beauty. You are a REAL inspiration, and I would not normally write the ‘rockstar worship’ letter, but I make the exception here. Because you are real, not part of this phony world.
S
Hi,
I just finished Rat Girl, which my sister gave me for Christmas. The same sister, Cookie, who sent me a copy of that first demo tape in 1985, I was 15 living in Burlington, Iowa, a Mississippi river blue collar town. I’ll never forget your voice and how it affected my peers and how I felt solace in your sound. You scared them more than Jello Biafra! Throwing Muses taught me a lot about the beauty I searched for as a young adult. So thanks.
Love,
B
Dear Kristin,
Thank you for sharing your memoir through Rat Girl.
I’ve just finished the last page and am overwhelmed by your honest, humorous, painful and exceptional well written report of a year you’ll probably will take with you forever.
Your book put a smile on my face, made me feel both sad and happy at the same time, enlightened my view on bipolar disease, gave me an in depth view on the songwriting and recording processes, and made me stay up because page-turning i just couldn’t stop reading. It makes your work both educational and fun to read.
In my classes for young musicians i will most definitely quote from your work in order to give these kids the opportunity to learn from it.
Thank you again and all the best for 2012. Hope to be able to visit one of your shows.
With musical greetings,
J
Kristin,
I first heard the Throwing Muses via the 4AD compilation, lonely is an eyesore, which had this strange song ‘fish’. That song stuck in my head and seemed so different to everything else at the time. It led me to the Throwing Muses albums that followed and then, much later, to your solo albums. I came to see your recent gig at Manchester and loved it. An age since the last time.
I love music, have plenty of people to thank, but never do. But I really wanted to thank you for so much great music for so long now. To the best singer song-writer I know.
P
One Response to love + medicine
Hi:
I guess we all have our own reasons.
Back in 1986 I was 16 years old and started playing in a local band in Providence. The music we played was all original. We had our own sound because we all came from different musical backgrounds. There was no conversation on how we should sound like, it just happened.
We began playing out on the local downtown Providence scene. We asked kids from school to come to the all ages shows we were getting booked at.
Some of them gave us encouragement and even came to the shows. Most however wanted to know what songs we played. “Do you play any Motley Crue?”, “uhh no, actually we write the music we play”, “Cool, Any guitar leads like Van Halen?”, “umm, no the stuff we do is more about … texture.”, so I’d give a listen to our demo tape on my walkman. “That’s weird, you actually get shows playing that? ”
The few kids who were into the scene embraced us, the rest thought we were weird. As a kid wanting to be accepted is natural. Being outright rejected can make you question not only what you are doing but, your own worth.
As we started getting booked at more clubs, I began to hear about the Throwing Muses. “Yhea, they got signed to 4AD”, “what’s that?”, “You know the Cocteau Twins, they are on 4AD.” “They used to play here.”, “Here? So what did they sound like?”, “You’d have to hear for yourself”
We sent in our tapes to WRIU & WDOM to get our band played on the radio. I used to listen to see if we would get played. That’s when I first heard the Throwing Muses. It wasn’t that the music we played was like yours, because it was different. It was the fact that your sound was true and unique. From what I was experiencing from my “friends” in school, it seemed like you had to value your music more than the opinions of others.
That’s when I realized what we were creating had real value. The opinions of others should not be mistaken as the truth. That what I create with my hands has worth. It spread to my whole outlook on life. By then I was 17. It became part of my core outlook on life ever since. To be honest it is one of the wells I have gone to for personal strength for the past 23 years.
I try to help pass on this belief in self value to all who seem in need.
I guess we all have our own reasons. This is one. xo
T