The grass is always greener

19 February 2012

I’ve been in a bit of a funk lately.

While drafting book two, all I wanted to do was get my copy edits for book one. Book two wasn’t necessarily being problematic, but gosh, this writing this was hard. I’d forgotten how scary the blank page can be. How you are typing the words for the first time and they are often wrong and messy and awkward and in desperate need of polishing. Even though I’d initially been thrilled to start work on TAKEN’s sequel, I suddenly wanted to dive into something less rough. I wanted to refine. I wanted my copy edits so that I could polish book one instead of slogging my way through a messy first draft of book two.

Then my copy edits arrived.

An hour into them, after reading through notes and queries in the margins, approving comma edits and tweaking word choices, I instantly wanted to go back to drafting. When I was writing book two, everything was up to ME. I was in complete control — over the story, the characters, the words, everything. Copy edits were making my brain hurt. They were making me hate every word I originally wrote in book one.

And then I realized…

Only a writer would have this sort of dilemma.

When you are querying, you just want an agent. When you get an agent, you just want a book deal. Once you have the book deal, you want your editorial letter. You’re anxious to move into revisions, and line edits, and copy edits, and cover art, and ARCs, and marketing, and tours, and reviews, and seeing your book on a store shelf. And then you want to sell the next novel, and the next, and repeat the process all over again.

It’s this endless cycle where you’re always looking ahead, to the upcoming milestone. You pine for it. Long for it. Want to speed up time so that you can complete the current phase faster and get to the next one ASAP.

The next step always looks better, shinier, happier. The grass is always greener.

I’ve come to the conclusion that all steps in this process are full of green grass and I just need to stop staring at the lawn ahead of me and look at the lawn right under my feet. Otherwise I’m going to lose my balance and fall flat on my face.

This journey comes with a lot of firsts. I will only do copy edits on TAKEN for the first time once. I will only draft book two in the trilogy once. I will only go through revisions, and a cover design process, and a marketing phase for each book once.

Every single manuscript is unique, therefore making its journey unique from the manuscripts before. Each and every story only happens once.

I think it’s natural to be excited for the upcoming phases of publication because this is all so new and, well…exciting! I’m always over the moon to enter a new step of this process. But I’m also so anxious to move forward, that I wonder if I’m sometimes missing the beauty of the step I’m in.

So I’m trying to slow down. To enjoy my copy edits even when I’m pulling my hair out over comma placements. To appreciate the quiet down time between phases when I’m waiting to hear back from my editor. To be patient while drafting book two, especially when Gray decides to be difficult, when he refuses to tell me what should happen next or how he’d like to react to a given situation. It will come. It always does. The solutions always materialize. The next step always arrives. The clock keeps ticking and the calendar keeps flipping its pages.

The grass is green here and there.

I’m trying to see that. I’m trying to breathe, and pause, and reflect. I’m trying to savor each moment.

Because when I bend down and examine the ground, really, really closely, it’s impossible to ignore the truth: This is pretty freaking awesome. The blades of grass beneath my feet are nothing but the most brilliant shade of lime green: fresh and new. Like Spring and growth and amazing things to come.

I am more grateful than words can accurately express.

Posted in Publishing and tagged with expectations, milestones, perspective, process, time

19 Responses to “The grass is always greener”

  1. spacer Yahong says:
    February 19, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    This is lovely. You’re so right in that writers are always looking for the next stage–”it’ll be so much better,” I think to myself sometimes. We joke about not being patient, but really, there are times when patience is what makes the whole thing worthwhile. Not to be all “click my links!”, hehe, but recently I asked a couple of MG authors what they missed most about being unpublished, in a post for Project Mayhem. I think that sometimes we want something too much, and perspective is key to enjoying all that lovely greenness you’ve described. :)

    Reply
    • spacer Erin says:
      February 20, 2012 at 8:57 am

      Yahong, thank you so much for the kinds words, and for sharing that link from PM. It is fascinating to see what those authors said! I too am so excited and thankful to be where I am now, but yeah, things are definitely different ;)

      Reply
  2. spacer Ruby says:
    February 19, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    Well said!

    Also, freaking + awesome = fawesome. Just, you know, FYI.

    Reply
    • spacer Erin says:
      February 20, 2012 at 8:57 am

      fawesome. I’m going to have to start using that ;)

      Reply
  3. spacer Elsie Chapman says:
    February 19, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    Thank you for this post, Erin–and for the reminder! Every word of it is so true, and it’s way too easy to forget how lucky we are.

    Reply
    • spacer Erin says:
      February 20, 2012 at 8:58 am

      Thanks, E!! It is so easy to get caught up in the process, in each exciting phase, in what’s ahead. But yeah, this is crazy-awesome. And I feel crazy-fortunate. :)

      Reply
  4. spacer Rowenna says:
    February 19, 2012 at 3:10 pm

    Great points! At the same time, I think it’s our drive that keeps us writing, that keeps us moving forward…that, hopefully, means we succeed in the ways we aspire to. Looking around while looking ahead isn’t easy, but I think it’s what we have to do–because there’s grass between our toes and a beautiful landscape opening up around us, too :)

    Reply
    • spacer Erin says:
      February 20, 2012 at 9:00 am

      there’s grass between our toes and a beautiful landscape opening up around us, too
      ^ So well put, Rowenna! I think it’s all about balance. As you mentioned, look ahead, strive for what’s next and be the best you can be, but don’t forget to take it ALL in.

      Reply
  5. spacer Emy Shin says:
    February 19, 2012 at 5:04 pm

    This is such a beautifully eloquent post, Erin, as always!

    I’m one of those people who are always planning, always looking at the projected results, that I lose sight of what I’m doing right now. In college, I’d count down the days until my graduation. Now that I have graduated, I miss college more than I can describe and believe that to be the pinnacle of happiness.

    It’s the same with writing.

    I’m trying to be more patient, to enjoy my place in this writing journey, because you’re right: I can only experience this once. :)

    Reply
    • spacer Erin says:
      February 20, 2012 at 9:01 am

      Oh, Emy! I feel the same way about college sometimes, too. I was so intent on graduation and the jobs ahead, that the last month of school just flew by and I sort of miss not being emotionally present. But yes, it’s the same with writing. I’m trying to always look ahead, but to also focus on the moment I’m in. It’s only going to happen once after all ;) ((hugs))

      Reply
  6. spacer Juli Helms says:
    February 19, 2012 at 6:21 pm

    <333

    Reply
    • spacer Erin says:
      February 20, 2012 at 9:01 am

      ((hugs))

      Reply
  7. spacer Melanie Crowder says:
    February 19, 2012 at 6:58 pm

    I have been having many of the same thoughts lately, and have been constantly trying to talk myself into being present. Good to know I’m not alone :)

    Reply
    • spacer Erin says:
      February 20, 2012 at 9:02 am

      You are definitely NOT alone :)

      Reply
  8. spacer Meredith says:
    February 19, 2012 at 9:00 pm

    Thank you so much for this post! Recently, I’ve been very eager about what’s going to happen next and not really in the “now,” in a way. Fabulous post!

    -Meredith :)

    Reply
    • spacer Erin says:
      February 20, 2012 at 9:03 am

      Thanks so much, Meredith! It’s good to look ahead, but yeah…not if you forget to look at the “now” in the process. ;)

      Reply
  9. spacer Krispy says:
    February 19, 2012 at 9:42 pm

    It’s always a struggle, I think, to appreciate the present. Thanks for sharing this and being so honest. :)

    Reply
    • spacer Erin says:
      February 20, 2012 at 9:03 am

      Thanks so much! Happy to share :)

      Reply
  10. spacer Jessica Love says:
    February 20, 2012 at 7:40 pm

    I’m sure this post was cathartic for you, Erin, but it was also exactly what I needed to hear right now, too. It’s so easy to look past what we are in the middle of and wish to be ahead of the game, but we have worked so hard to be where we are…sometimes it’s a battle to stay present.

    Blogging / the community makes it difficult, too, when you constantly see friends in those places you want to be. It’s hard.

    So thank you for the reminder. :-)

    Reply

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