Ask E. Jean - Tormented? Driven Wittess? Whipsawed by confusion?

About

E. Jean
is
5’9”
127 pounds
 845-986-3133
dogs: 3
  cats: 1
  Caffeine: 480 milligrams per day.
Pairs of clean underpants in drawer: 14 
Oldest pair of underpants: 12 years.
Wine: yes.
Hard-boiled eggs consumed per day: 6
Cell phone: broken
 Number of Ask E. Jean E-mails received each day: 40 
Monthly electric bill: $60 
Carbon Footprint: small as a New Guinea Highlander’s.
Aches: lower back
  Pains: neck
 Computer: Mac
  Number of years the Ask E. Jean column has
run in Elle Magazine: 16. 
Number of years the Ask E. Jean TV show ran on cable
before they cancelled the entire channel: 2 
Most plays of an Ask E. Jean video on YouTube: 403,098 
Number of hairs falling out of E. Jean’s head daily: 70
Estimated movies in Netflix queue which
E. Jean will be annoyed
she ordered when they arrive: 51 
Percentage of day E. Jean spends
putting on her boots, running up and down the hill and
shaking a box of Milk Bones
over her head
because the dogs don’t come when they are called: %11.  Percentage of Americans who have bought one of E. Jean’s
four books: .00003% 
Magazines which named E. Jean a contributing editor: 4
(Esquire, Outside, Playboy, Elle). 
Chance E. Jean would be named “best” anything: 1 in 13,000,000 
Times E. Jean actually was named Best True Crime Writer
in America: 1.
Crowns: 4
(Miss Cheerleader USA, Miss Indiana University, Miss Something
Something, and Queen of Something----will check on this
and get back to ya.)
Miles per gallon E. Jean gets with Prius when keeping
her eye glued to the dashboard computer: 50.3 
Dollars paid to the Tuxedo New York Traffic Violations for
reckless driving: $375.00. 
Dollars paid to The Warwick, New York Traffic Violations for
reckless driving: $200. 
Dollars paid to the states of Alabama and Pennsylvania for miscellaneous driving infractions: $250. 
Number of Facebook friends E. Jean has no idea who in the hell they are: 846.

Artist: James Gustavson

SilentJames.com

Music:  Elizabeth Anderson

ElizabethAnderson.org

Site

Design: Shamsi Brinn
Start-up Coding: Chantelle Farmer

E. JEANS
ELLE COLUMNS

www.ELLE.com