Mum's the word!

Choose your battles

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I have learned the hard way to choose my battles carefully. I have to decide which battles really are important for me to win and which I can leave. The important ones involve safety and health. Some others you have to let slip for your own sanity!

There is a difference

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Don't listen to parents of other children who say, ‘Oh, all children are fussy/obsessional/stubborn/lose things etc.’ It will drive you mad. Yes, all children do display these same characteristics but it's about the DEGREE to which they do it that makes the difference and is so hard to explain.

Make time for others

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Don't just immerse yourself in special needs groups and activities. Make sure you find time for other friends too, so you spend time focusing on other things in your life.

Don't be afraid to ask for help

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Don’t be concerned about asking for help – to my surprise I have found that friends and family don’t offer to help but are very happy to help if asked (I don’t ask too much only when I really need it).

Put yourself in their shoes

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Remember that routines are important in everyone's life and missing a step can make you feel ‘not quite right’. Think about how you feel if you sleep in and don't get to eat breakfast or have a shower. This can be useful when trying to understand why someone with learning disabilities is struggling when they can't complete a routine.

You time

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Try to make a little quality time for yourself each day even if this means leaving the person you care for in front on their favourite DVD or TV programme for half an hour. It won't do them any harm!

Get all the help you can

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I would suggest parents try every bit of help on offer - Portage, Child Development Centres, Surestart Centres, local libraries, health visitor, support groups, etc. It's much easier to opt out than to try and opt in later, when your child is older. Referral for specialist services (eg: portage) can take ages and is worth getting sorted out as early as possible.

Register with your GP

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Register as a carer with your GP. PCTs and local councils often run support schemes that are accessed through GPs, but are otherwise not obvious or easy to find.

Ignore the critics

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My parents are from the 'She must Eat What She Is Given' school so I feed Paula earlier than everyone else so there is less opportunity for upsets all round. Sometimes a picnic can also be a good tactic as everyone eats with their fingers and it's easier to relax a little.

Carers Assessment

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Make sure you get a carers assessment and get all the benefits/support you are entitled to.

Look after yourself

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As a family carer, you need to be the no one priority, so make sure you eat and sleep properly, and go for regular health checks.

Weight training

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I try to keep up an exercise programme – mainly weights, because my son is large and I worry that one day I won't be able to manage him. Being fit has given me confidence in how I manage my son, which in turn has improved his behaviour. Exercise is great for your overall mood as well.

Friends and hobbies

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Friends and hobbies are enormously important when you are a family carer – especially when they take you out of your role as a carer for a short while. I try and mix with people who aren't carers too, so I get to focus on something else for a bit.

It's OK to be different

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Be sure you are doing things that will help your child rather than simply make them 'fit in' - sometimes it's ok to be different!