Statistics differ but most experts agree it takes us between 90 seconds and four minutes to decide if we fancy someone - and
as much as we'd like to think it all rests on that witty one-liner, it doesn't.
Body language is the quiet, secret and most powerful language of all!According to experts, our non-verbal language communicates about 50% of what we really mean (voice tonality contributes 38%)while words themselves contribute a mere 7%.
Our bodies send out messages constantly and often we don't recognize that we're communicating a lot more than we realize.
First impressions
You need to get the body language right straight away or they won't bother to stick around to find out how fascinating you are.
Before you've even spoken to the person you've got your eye on, the way you've walked and stood is
more than 80 per cent of their first impression of you!
We make snap judgements based on instinct but the fact is, almost every facet of our personality is evident from our
appearance, posture and the way we move.
So, how do we tell if our body is sending the right signals - and (more importantly) how to read theirs? Let your body do
the talking (and the flirting) by learning to recognise...
Sexual signals that shows someone is flirting with you
The flirting triangle. When we look at people we're not familiar with (in a business situation for instance), our eyes make a
zig-zag motion: we look from eye to eye and across the bridge of the nose.
With friends, the look drops below eye level and moves into a triangle shape: we look from eye to eye but also look down
to include the nose and mouth.
Once we start flirting, the triangle gets even bigger - it widens at the bottom to include their good bits (like the body).
The more intense the flirting, the more intensely we'll look from eye to eye - and the more time we'll spend looking at their mouth.
If someone is watching your mouth while you're talking to them, it can be very, very seductive. It could be that they're imagining
what it would be like to kiss you.
Mirroring. This is a well known NLP tehnique :
nothing will bond you more effectively than mirroring someone's
behaviour. This simply means you do whatever it is they do. If they lean forward to tell you something intimate, you lean
in to meet them. If they sit back to take a sip of their drink and look you in the eye, you pause then follow suit.The theory behind mirroring is that we like people who are like us. If someone is doing what we're doing, we feel they're
on the same level as us and in the same mood as we are.
There are two no-go areas with this one, though: firstly, only mirror positive body language; second, capture the spirit rather
than mimicking them. As a general rule, wait around 50 seconds before following their gestures.
The eyebrow flash. When we first see someone we're attracted to, our eyebrows rise and fall. If they are similarly attracted,they raise their eyebrows in return. Never noticed? It's not surprising since the whole thing lasts only about a fifth of a second!We're not consciously aware of doing it, but it's a gesture that is duplicated by every culture on Earth.
The trick is to watch for it when you meet someone you fancy. Better still, tell them you're interested on a subconscious level
by prolonging your eyebrow flash for up to one second - deliberately raise them while catching their eye for full impact.
Pointing. Sneak a peek at what their feet and hands are doing - we tend to point toward the person we're interested in.If we find someone attractive, we'll often point at them subconsciously with our hands arms, feet, legs, toes.Again, it's an unconscious indicator to make our intentions known. Unconsciously, this is often picked up by the other person,without them really knowing why.
So if you've got your eye on someone in the corner, point your body in their direction - even if you don't make eye contact,
they may take the hint.
Blinking. If someone likes what they see, their pupil size increases and so does their blink rate. If you want to up the odds in
your favour, try increasing the blink rate of the person you're talking to, by blinking more yourself. If the person likes you,
they'll unconsciously try to match your blink rate to keep in sync with you, which in turn, makes you both feel more attracted
to each other!
Before you go to practise all this, you must understand...
The main rule of body language
Don't judge on one thing alone. Sitting with your arms crossed is often perceived as a defensive, stand-off posture. But it might also
mean you're freezing cold, you're having a fat day or just spilt coffee all over your top!
Don't jump to conclusions, instead look for clusters of behaviour. If someone has their arms crossed and their lips are pursed
disapprovingly, it's a fairly safe bet they are on the defensive. Most body language experts favour the Rule of Four, which means
look for at least four signals suggesting the same thing before totally believing it.
