Manners Tips

Manners are like the rules of a game; they tell you what to do and how to win. Listed below are some manner tips for children and adults. If you have any further questions please visit my manners blog to have them answered.

Just in time for the holidays: Holiday Tipping Etiquette

Video Tips on Manners by Etiquette Expert, Aimee Symington

Etiquette Expert Aimee Symington’s Television Appearances

• The Today Show Selects Blunders as Their “Favorite Thing!”
• NBC News Features Blunders and Etiquette Expert, Aimee Symington
• Help with Tricky Social Situations (WCNC NBC affiliate)
• Greeting Skills (WCNC NBC affiliate)
• Etiquette for the Holidays (FOX News)
• Restaurant Etiquette (WCNC NBC affiliate)
• Wedding Etiquette (WCNC NBC affiliate)
• Etiquette for Graduation Parties (WCNC NBC affiliate)
• The Etiquette of Playdates (WCNC NBC affiliate)
• Back to School Etiquette (WCNC NBC affiliate)
• Holiday Tipping Etiquette (WCNC NBC affiliate)

Etiquette Tips for All Occasions

• How to Complain Politely

  Whether you’re complaining about something in person, over the phone, in writing, or through social media like Facebook or Twitter, if you have nice manners you will have more effective communication, which will give you better and quicker results.

  1. Consider Your Complaint
     Is your complaint valid or trivial? Think about what can be accomplished by complaining. Will you be able to change the situation for a positive or different outcome? Will you be helping someone if they learn about the problem or mistake?  Some people complain in inappropriate ways, but some people also complain for inappropriate reasons. If you have a valid complaint you should not feel badly or think you are being rude if you politely make a complaint about a product or service.
  2. Remember People, Not Companies, Handle Complaints
     Whether you are talking to the service person that comes to your house, a telephone customer service representative, or the president of a company, try not to make the complaint personal. Remember the person you are talking to has feelings and will, in most cases, want to help you if you treat them with respect and kindness. Stick to the issues, politely state your case, and make the person you are speaking to feel like they are part of the solution and not the problem. Statements like "Are you stupid?" for example will not help you get what you want.
  3. Use Your Words
     Most adults try to teach their children that when they have a problem they should use their words and explain what the problem is instead of pitching a fit, yelling, fighting, and being mean to the other person.
     

  We as adults need to role model this behavior for our children which means that when they are with us and we have a need to complain about something that we remember to stay clam and in control, continue to use polite language and say “please” and “thank you”, do not swear or get aggressive, and continue to show respect for the other person. If we can show our children that we can handle ourselves when there is a problem, there is hope that they will demonstrate that same behavior.

• Holiday Shopping

  1. Whine vs. Wine
     Deciding whether or not to take the kids shopping with you depends on what you want to accomplish on your shopping trip.  If you want a quick family outing where everyone helps shop and you buy what you need before the whining begins then by all means take the kids. If you want a relaxing time where you pop-in and brows in every store at the mall then leave the kids at home, shop, and then enjoy a glass of wine with your spouse or friend afterwards.
  2. Adult "Magic Words?"
     Not only should we encourage our children to say "please" and "thank you" while shopping, we should also model this behavior. You will get better service from happier sales associates if remember to smile and have nice manners.
  3. No Counter Calls
     Ever see the lady who’s talking on her cell phone while waiting in line and then doesn’t even bother to get off the phone when the check-out person is asking her questions like “paper or plastic?” It’s rude not to give someone your undivided attention when they’re speaking to you, and it’s not very nice to have a private conversation in public.

• Hosting a Holiday Party

  1. Determine dietary restrictions
     If you are hosting a dinner party, it is nice to know if anyone has any allergies or dietary restrictions before you set your menu. You will make it easier for everyone if you serve something that most people like and no one will break out in hives eating!
  2. Offer non-alcoholic beverages
     Play it safe and always have non-alcoholic beverages available for your guests and don’t make anyone feel uncomfortable if they don’t want a beer or glass of cheer.
  3. Send kids to their room!
     A room filled with toys and crafts that is! It is wonderful to have children be a part of your party and to eat with the adults, but there is also going to be a time when they will become board and whiney. A sure way to entertain your young guests is to have a place where they can go away from the adults. Have some toys and crafts available, maybe a kid’s movie playing, and small snacks and drinks. Everyone will enjoy themselves!
  4. Make rules and discipline offenders
     There is nothing more frustrating for the host then kids running wild in their house ruining everything they’ve spent hours preparing, and there is nothing more embarrassing for parents then having their kids get fussed at for doing something wrong while visiting someone’s home. To avoid these problems, a host of a party should tell the children what the rules are upfront. For example, “please take your shoes off”, “please play outside in the backyard”, “please sit at the children’s table to eat” etc. If a child does end up jumping on your furniture instead of on the backyard trampoline, you don’t have to wait for the parent to correct the behavior. Instead, nicely redirect the child by saying something like “David lets go outside together and I’ll show you the trampoline where you can jump all you want.”

• Attending a Holiday Party

  1. R.S.V.P.
     If an invitation asks you to tell the host if you are planning to attend by a certain date, make sure that you do call or email to let him/her know if you will attend the party or not.
  2. Offer to bring something
     . Even if you have not been asked, it is certainly polite to ask the host if you can bring something like a bottle of wine. Hosting a party is expensive and most hosts would appreciate the offer.
  3. Say "Thank you"
     Whether you’re attending a small dinner party or a large hoe-down, it’s still nice to either call or send a hand-written thank you note the next day. It tells the host that you appreciated being invited and shows you have wonderful manners.
  4. Don’t buy a hostess gift
     Have your children make one instead. Ask your children to each make a card or small gift like hand-picked flowers, a potholder, or drawing and give it to either the hostess or to his/her children. The host will appreciate your thoughtfulness.
  5. Eat before you go or bring your own food
     If you have a child that is a picky eater and you think will not eat the food that is served at the party you have two choices. Best choice is to feed your child before you go so that if they end up not eating anything at the party at least they won’t be hungry. If you know the host well, you could bring something to the party such as a sandwich or yogurt that you know your child will eat thus avoiding the need for the host to make a separate dinner for your son because he’s starving.

• Gift Giving

  Times are tight so there are ways you can cut back and still show that you care about the people in your life.

  1. Family
     There are a couple of options. Ask your family if they would like to each buy for only one or two people in the family so that at the holidays everyone has a couple of nice gifts to open and no one has burst their wallet. Or, if there are a lot of children in the family then suggest that all of the adults just buy gifts for the kids. A last option is to exchange coupons with the adults in the family. Examples of this are to give a coupon good for happily cleaning out the garage, giving a back massage every Sunday, painting a picture of the whole family, or doing your brother-in-law’s taxes for free since you are an accountant! 
  2. Work
     Check with your Human Resources department to find out what the gift giving policy is and then only give something small and practical like a Starbucks card or gift card. Nothing too expensive or personal.
  3. Others
     To save money with your friends suggest that instead of giving gifts that you all go out together for dinner or that you do something like a “Secret Santa” gift exchange.  With service people consider giving them baked goods or something homemade.

• Traveling by Plane

  1. Control Yourself Not Others
     If you give yourself more than enough time to get to the airport and check in without having to rush, you will end up having a smile on your face throughout the process instead of yelling at the shuttle driver for waiting too long for other passengers and glaring at the lady at check-in for not giving you your bag tags quick enough!
  2. Give Your Kids Toys
     When traveling with children you want to pack a backpack full of toys, games, books, and snacks because you never know when a 1 hour flight can turn into an eight hour traveling fiasco. Your children will be well-mannered and happy if they are entertained and full.
  3. Do What You Want From Others
     If you want an enjoyable relaxing trip then do those things for others that you want them to do for you. For example, smile at other travelers, thank people for their help, be nice to the flight attendants, listen to your iPod quietly, and be courteous of others’ space.
  4. Put Your Phone Away
       If having nice manners means making others around you feel comfortable then this includes not talking loudly or about personal things on your cell phone while you are at the gate’s waiting area, in line, or on the plane.
  5. Keep to Yourself
     When you are on the plane keep your things in your own personal space. Also, after smiling and saying “hello” to your seatmates, wait for them to engage you in conversation because they might want to work instead of chatting.
     

• Interviewing Tips

  1. Cell off
     Turn your cell phone off! It’s shocking to learn that many people actually forget to turn their cell phone off while in an interview and then are mortified when their phone chimes a Lady Gaga song right after you’ve told the interviewer how you’re detail oriented and customer-focused.
  2. Look good
     Wear to the interview what you would think your potential boss’s boss would be wearing.  Also, make sure that you and your shoes are clean so that you look your best from head to toe.
  3. Make a good entrance
     When you arrive make sure you’re on time and ready to put on your game face the moment you walk through the door. Be very nice to the receptionist or anyone else you speak with before meeting the interviewer. Chances are the interviewer will ask the others what they thought of you.
  4. Be formal
     . Shake hands firmly and with confidence when meeting the interviewer. It is important to continue to call him/her by their last name (e.g., Mrs. Smith, Mr. Jones) until they give you permission to use their first name. Sit only where and when asked to sit.
  5. Remember the communication basics
     . Look the interviewer in the eyes, smile often, and use positive body language such as not folding your arms or hunching over. Mimic the interviewer’s demeanor if possible. This means that if they are slow and quiet then you should be too, but if the person if a fast loud talker they will feel more comfortable with you if you match their style.
  6. After the interview say "thank you"
     This means thank the interviewer in person when the interview is over and then also send them a hand-written thank you note the next day and site what exactly you liked about their company and why you are a great candidate.

• Business Etiquette Tips

  1. Show appreciation
     When someone does something for you whether it’s big or small thank them for their help. They will be more inclined to help you in the future if they know that you appreciate them.
  2. Show respect
     This means being on-time for meetings, not texting or taking calls while you are talking to someone in person, address people with proper titles, and have a good attitude. Having nice manners means making others around you feel comfortable.
  3. Put away your electronic devices
     During meetings, while dining with others, and when talking to people it is rude for you to text, look at emails, or talk on your cell. If it’s an emergency, apologize for the interruption and be brief.

• Business Email Etiquette

  1. Write legibly
     This means skip all of the acronyms unless you’re sure the receiver will understand, and do not abbreviate so much that the person has a hard time knowing what you are saying. Your email should also be written with proper grammar and punctuation. If you can’t take the time to do this why should someone take the time to read your email?
  2. Think about the tone and intent of your email
     Before sending the email, think about how the receiver will interpret what you are writing. If you write in all caps people will think you’re screaming at them. If you are too curt then maybe they’ll think you’re mad. If you are too direct then you’re being bossy and insensitive. Taking an extra few seconds to review what you have written can make all of the difference and avoid miscommunication. Also, always remember that you’re email can be forwarded to anyone at any time so make sure you are comfortable with everything you are writing.
  3. Copy others with care
     Make sure you only copy those people who need to read the email. If you copy someone who doesn’t need to see the email, they may be annoyed that you are wasting their time. If you copy someone only for political reasons and to cover your behind then that will annoy others as well.

• Business Dining Etiquette

  1. Know who the host of the meal is
     The host is responsible for making and communicating the plans, making a toast if necessary, and paying the bill. It’s also good to know if there isn’t a specific host so that you can be prepared to pay for your own meal.
  2. Wait for the host
     Wait for them to order her/her drink before you do so that you know if you should order an alcoholic beverage or not.
  3. Be average when it comes to ordering
     Order an averaged priced meal and drink. You don’t want to insult anyone by ordering something too cheap or too expensive.
  4. Put all electronics away!
     Unless you are expecting an urgent call, just turn your cell phone off so that you are not tempted to look at every test, email, and call that comes in. Never use your phone while you’re at the table. If you have to call or text someone, politely excuse yourself and then briefly leave the table.
  5. If you are not the host, offer to pay your portion of the bill
     Thank the host for dinner in person and even the next day in an email or phone call. If you really want to make an impression, a hand-written thank you note would go a long way.

• Cocktail Party Etiquette

  1. Place your name tag on the right side of your chest
     This helps people discreetly read your name when you’re shaking hands.
  2. If it’s a business function then eat before you go
     Your main objective at these functions is to network and not eat.
  3. Hold your drink in your left hand
     . Do this so that you leave your right hand free to quickly shaking hands.
  4. Introduce people properly and make connections
     Rules of thumb in an introduction are that you always say the name of the most “important/senior” person first. Or if all people are equally important, you would say the name of the oldest woman first. For example… “Shelly, I’d like to introduce to you, John Jones. John is our firm’s CFO. John, I’d like you to meet Shelly Smith who is our new client from McMillion & Associates.” Then, make a connection that can start a conversation. For example, “Shelly, John is also from Michigan. Where exactly did you used to live in Michigan?”
  5. Review your connections
     If the purpose of the cocktail party was for networking, review all of the business cards you received and within a few days contact all of them via email or by phone to follow up or just say that it was a pleasure to meet them.

• Play-date Etiquette (Guest)

  Child is a guest and should be reminded to do the following:

  1. Follow the house rules
     When arriving at friend’s house ask if you should put your coat/shoes any place special. Also, not to question if the friend says that they are not allowed to watch TV, eat in the living room, etc.
  2. Be nice to everyone
     Talk to the parents, play with the siblings, and show respect for your friend’s feelings.
  3. Clean up your mess before leaving
     No parent wants a child over who makes more of a mess!
  4. Say Thanks
     . Before you leave, thank your friend’s parents and your friend for having you over.

• Play-date Etiquette (Host)

  Child is the host and should be reminded to do the following:

  1. Provide choices
     When the friend arrives offer them choices of things to do and then let him/her decide.
  2. Play
     Don’t play video games that are only for one person or watch TV as these are things you can do any time.
  3. Share
     . Remember to share your things and offer your friend something to eat or drink if you are having something.
  4. Say Thanks
     Walk the friend to the door when they leave and thank them for coming.

• Play-date Etiquette - Disciplining

  1. Set the rules and boundaries up front
     Tell your child if there is anything they should avoid doing while the friend is over so that he/she is prepared. Tell the friend if there is something you want him/her to do like “please wipe your feet before coming inside.” Or, “Tom’s sister doesn’t want you to play in her room so maybe you two can play in Tom’s room today.”
  2. Re-direct bad behavior and state what you do want to see
     For example, “Since food is getting all over the living room carpet please go into the kitchen to eat.”
  3. End the play-date early
     If things are really not going well and the guest does something you cannot tolerate or has made your child unhappy, it’s time to call the friend’s parent and ask that they come and pick their child up.
  4. No need to tattle
     Unless the friend has done something really bad (e.g., stolen something, hurt someone) then it’s best to just tell the child’s parent that the kids just needed a break. You now know you won’t invite this child to come over and play again and so the problem is solved. If the matter was more serious, then talk to the parent with only the facts and with as little emotion as possible. They will need to make the decision on how and if they will punish their child.

• Cell Phone Etiquette at Home

  1. Make house rules that no one is allowed to use their cell phone at the table
     This includes not leaving the table during a meal to answer the phone.
  2. Time limits
     Unless there is extenuating circumstance, calls should not be made to anyone before 9:00 am or after 10:00 pm. Even if your daughter swears that her friend wants her to call at 11:00pm that does not mean that the friend’s parents want her to talk on the phone that late.
  3. The cell phone goes away during homework and family time
     If your child is always “plugged in”, they cannot concentrate on anything or anyone else.

• Dining Etiquette for Kids at Home

  1. Help out
     Children can help prepare the food and/or set the table for dinner.
  2. Wait for everyone
     Kids should sit properly in their seat and then wait for everyone else to be seated before they begin to eat. During the meal there is no reason to leave the table unless it’s to go to the bathroom.
  3. Teach basics
     Encourage children to hold their fork properly (like a pencil), put their napkin and the hand they’re not eating with in their lap, keep their elbows/arms off the table, and keep their mouth closed when chewing.
  4. Magic words
     Say “please” and “thank you” and pass the food to the right.
  5. Give thanks
     At the end of the meal ask to be excused and then say “thank you for dinner.”

• Children’s Telephone Etiquette at Home

  1. Inform the caller
     Each family may decide what they feel comfortable with, but when a child answers the phone it is polite for them to inform the caller who they are. Options are for example: “Hello, this is Luke. May I ask who’s calling please?” or, “Hello this is Luke Smith. May I ask who’s calling please?” Or, “Hello, this is the Smith residence. May I ask who is calling please?” Preference goes to having children state their full name because then it identifies for the caller exactly whom they are talking to and that they have reached the correct number.
  2. Take a message
     If the person the caller is looking for is not home, ask your child to take a message with the person’s name and phone number. Having paper and a pen by the phone is helpful.
  3. Bend the truth
     If no adult is at home and your child answers the phone, he/she should not let the caller know they are alone. Instead have them say “I’m sorry, my mom/dad cannot come to the phone right now, and may I please take a message?”
  4. Talk nicely
     Remind your children to not mumble into the phone, talk too quietly or loudly, or yelling for someone to pick up the phone.

• Restaurant Etiquette for Kids

  1. Remind your children ahead of time what behavior is expected of them
     For example, no running around, talking loudly, and that they must use their best manners.
  2. Bring something into the restaurant to entertain them if needed
     This can be an activity book or something quiet for them to play with while waiting for their food. Manner Mats are great for restaurants!!
  3. Remind kids what silverware to use with which course
     It is also a good time to review other basic dining etiquette such as elbows off the table, napkin and hand in lap, etc.
  4. Don’t pick things up
     If they drop something on the floor they should not ever go onto the floor to pick it up. If something like your napkin or fork drops just politely ask the waiter for a new one.