1. Scrooge, Albert Finney edition, 1970. Obi Wan as the ghost of Jacob Marley, wearing the chains he forged in life! Portions scared the shit out of Jackson, so maybe not so good for five-year-olds. Made when Albert Finney was still young and cute, but the old-man makeup job makes him look eerily just like he does now.

2. The Santa Clause. I know, I have this embarrassing thing about Tim Allen (see Galaxy Quest, perhaps the greatest movie of all time).

3. Elf. "We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corn, and syrup."

4. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. It made me happy to see the subject of one discussion of Rudolph on the IMDB boards: "Santa's such a prick in this film."

5. How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Whenever I read this book to Jackson at bedtime I try to make my phrasing just like Boris Karloff's.

6. Pee-wee's Playhouse Christmas Special. One of many strange highlights is the late, great Dinah Shore singing "On the 500th day of Christmas my true love gave to me: 500 bags of nachos, 499 body builders, 498 dancing penguins . . ."

7. Max and Ruby's Christmas. Find something else to do while the kids watch this.

8. The Nightmare Before Christmas. I'm not a real big Tim Burton fan, but does my opinion count around here? Not when it's Jackson's turn to pick the movie.

9. Bad Santa. Because it's there. And wow, is it filthy.

10. The Simpsons Christmas and The Simpsons Christmas 2. "1. After Bart's tattoo removal, Homer's failure as a department store Santa, and a bad day at the dog track, Christmas prospects look dim for the Simpsons. 2. Homer opens a snow plow business only to have his best friend Barney open a rival outfit, with commercials by Linda Ronstadt. 3. Bart inadvertently burns down the Simpsons' Christmas tree, and claims that burglars did it. 4. Bart is confined to a wheelchair and Springfield Elementary must construct ramps accessible to him. 5. Homer and Bart collaborate on a model rocket which destroys the First Church of Springfield. 6. To make money, Homer lets Mr. Burns hire him to perform increasingly degrading acts. 7. Homer's attempt to write a Christmas carol turns into an anti-Flanders ballad that goes to the top of the charts. 8. A freak blizzard traps the students of Springfield Elementary inside their school. 9. Homer spends his entire Christmas bonus on an extravagant gift for himself."

Jackson was responsible for the crust leaf placement.

Yesterday Jackson had his very first slice of pumpkin pie. He pronounced it "delicious." (I didn't raise a fool.)

About an hour ago I offered Jackson his very first sip of eggnog. His reaction: "BLEAH."

At which point I remembered a comment I'd read a while ago over at Bad News Hughes that defined eggnog as a somewhat unpleasant mixture of pancake batter laced with semen.

I think I'll go pour the rest of the carton down the sink now.

Or, no -- wait, what am I thinking! Somebody fetch me a fifth of bourbon.

Uh. I slept on the couch last night? Because Jack and I had a really stupid argument about who was going to do the dishes? And then Jackson woke up at 2 a.m. and wanted me to cuddle? Hence I was staggered at the bakery this morning to recall that three nickels and a dime add up to twenty-five cents. It's been downhill from there.

To everyone who's still posting: I love all of you so much. You want to come over for ham sandwiches? I helped serve lunch at Jackson's school today and came home with a shitload of leftovers. I snagged a whole pecan pie, too. Homemade.

Wow, this post really sucks! Nine days until sweet, sweet Internet silence.

Here's the other PBS thing I wrote.

Yesterday afternoon I remembered that I had a ticket to see something, and I went! I know, that alone is impressive enough, you can stop reading right now unless you want to be -- well, that's probably the height of yesterday's impressiveness. Any act that has to follow Jon Stewart has a rocky row to hoe. So pity poor, Republican humorist Christopher Buckley, showing up the day after the funniest man in America has lain waste the village and salted the soil.

Mr. Buckley was amusing, and more than that, he found himself amusing. I suppose growing up in the shadow of Mr. Fancy Vocabulary* will force you to carve out a niche of your very own. And if you can't be as charismatically right-wing as your old man you can at least steal other people's lines and use them to title your books.

*Someone in the audience asked Buckley a question about his father, and four guys a few rows ahead of me poked each other and shrugged. I couldn't have enlightened them, really -- to me he was always that man on TV who leaned so far back in his chair I thought he might fall over.

The only other thing I have today is a dark, eighteen-second-long YouTube video of last call at Jimmy's, a local bar that closed last summer, which was also where Jack and I met. You can see Willie (in the background in the white shirt) tending bar for the last time; I'll have you know that man came to our wedding and gave us a lovely set of highball glasses.

Guess what that is? Go on, guess.



It's Jon Stewart performing on one end of a basketball court! It was a terrific show, due in no small part to several glasses of delicious red wine and the generosity of my friends Jennifer and Scott. (Note to self: when someone offers you a free ticket to a show as swell as this, make sure you have more than ten dollars in your wallet before your hosts' drinks are on the bar in a place that doesn't take credit cards. Argh.)

Here's the only joke I retained from the whole evening, which I'm going to kill in the retelling, just to warn you.

"My grandmother wrote a blues song once. It was called, 'It's So Drafty In Here'. (pause) And the B side was 'Now It's Too Hot.'"

I did some little pieces for PBS. One of them starts like this:

"One of the most soothing voices on the planet belongs to Linda Hunt. I know shes just a wee little thing and Id have to stoop to kiss her forehead, but her voice conveys more intelligence, depth, and compassion than a Christmas elf on rollerskates."

As you can see, I take public television very, very seriously. The link is here if you'd like to read more.