Welcome to the official Farm and Fiddle Beard Contest Rules:

The contest will take place March 21, 2012 at Cafe Berlin in Columbia. Doors open for spaghetti supper at 5:30. The supper will cost $10 for all participants and audience members. Registration to the contest will be $10, and the first twenty to enter will get goody bags including CDs and other valuable prizes from KOPN. Half the $10 registration fee will go to KOPN 89.5 fm and half will be awarded as prizes in the three categories. The categories are: Full beard; partial beard and moustache.

Judges will judge the facial hair on symmetry, color, texture, styling details and je ne sais quoi. If you have a look you'd like to present, don't be afraid to add accessories like hats, glasses, monocles, pocket watches, or anything else that enhances your look. Bribery is allowed as long as the bribes go to KOPN 89.5 fm.

According to the official website of the World Beard and Mustache Championships, competitors "devote several hours each day to washing, combing, trimming, waxing and styling their facial hair." Well, in this recession, why not?

Waxes, dyes, spray and other enhancements are allowed.

Each participant will answer one question from the fish bowl (it may be a basket) of pageant questions we have gathered from pageant websites. These include questions like, "Who is the most popular person in the world and why?" If you have a ridiculous question suitable for a pageant, you can write it out and put it in the fish bowl. Stump your fellow contestants!

The contest will be aired on Farm and Fiddle, KOPN 89.5 fm from 7 to 8 p.m.

The judges' decisions are final.

After the contest, there will be a square dance hosted by Laura Idle, dance teacher.

If you're wondering how the prizes will be determined, there will just be one prize per category (full beard, mustache, partial beard) and the winner will get 1/2 the entry for their category. It costs $10 to enter. So if three people enter, the "pot" will be $30 (3 x $10) and that will be split with KOPN, so the winner will get $15. If 10 people enter, the pot is $100 and they'll get $50. The first 20 to enter will each get a goody bag of valuable prizes.

See you soon! Also, include a note that there's a square dance after the contest, in P.R., if that's possible.