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• General

Last night, after leaving the birthday party, I opened my phone only to see a black screen. The battery had died. Sometimes, I can turn it on briefly and make a quick call before the batteries go dead again. Perhaps I should call someone to save me from this 20 mile walk home. Perhaps I could make a quick phone call and call a cab. Or perhaps instead, if I timed it right, I could throw my phone at a passing cab, at least getting some use of this otherwise useless phone. If you can’t call a cab, you might as well throw your phone at one.

So as the rage inside me continued to boil, in a furious anger, I threw my phone as though it was a baseball, sending it on its way to a dusty death. It arched sixty feet in the air and sailed through the rainy moonlit night, finding its cement landing and shattering into a million pieces. Well, not a million. More like three pieces. So, I have no phone anymore.

• General

If you haven’t heard the hype, Martin Scorsese’s new film, The Departed is a hit. An “instant classic” and the countless panting reviews continue to pour in. Had I not stopped taking my insanity pills, I may have been inclined to believe these unfounded and pedantic reviews. It seems people need look no further than the cast list to determine a movie good or bad.

Westerners continue to deride those that are less fortunate for living in a sheltered society, not having all the amenites that we ourselves have and take for granted. If only we took the time to indulge ourselves in their culture, we’d have a more educated opinion about things that we steal from them.

The Departed is a cheap rip-off of Infernal Affairs, a uniquely original movie made in 2004 in Hong Kong. Although Scorsese tried to honour the original with his take of the story, it was nothing short of offensive and ended up being like a cheap karaoke version of the original score.

Most people who haven’t seen the original will fall in love with Scorsese’s adaptation and hail it as a hands-down success, just as Ebert has. Could it be that Scorsese has successfully dumbed it down enough for the masses to consume? More than likely, he’s wrapped up the story so neatly, it leaves no room for imagination or discussion.

The acting by this ensemble cast was atrocious and unintentionaly humorous at several points in the film. Mark Wahlberg gives an impressive performance as the angry, border-line sociopathic cop – a character missing from the original HK version. His over-acting ensures that we are hammered with his rough-part-of-Boston upbringing. Yes, we get it – your rough exterior is just a cover up for your devotion to justice. How very admirable.

Matt Damon slips in and out of his Boston accent so often, I found myself secretly wishing they’d casted Boston Rob from Survivor to play his role instead. His singular failure to emote tension and sympathy is enough to cry foul and demand a refund from the concession booth for the 2 pounds of popcorn you just bought (with real butter).

The ending clearly dictates that the bad guys will always lose. Good will always triumph, and leave it to the “bad cop with a good heart” to uphold that distinctly American moral righteousness. In the original Hong Kong version, the ending is left without certain closure; the message is still clear: the future is yet to be written and decisions we make are never clearly right, nor are they always clearly wrong.

I fear my voice will be lost among the gratuitous fawning and adulation, given that I’m up against some of the brightest talents in Hollywood, including Marky Mark himself. Don’t let the Hollywood stars sway your opinion; see the original first. Then your mind will be clear of the biases.

The Departed is a classic, that’s for certain. One movie to go down as the ultimate befoulment of a film that should’ve just been left alone. Although its intention was to flatter, its resulting catastrophic failure has left the unfortunate viewers wishing the same fate as those that have already departed before them, or at least the last two hours of their life back.

• General

Some amazing photos that Oli took from the Rockies:

• General

I woke up the other morning with a stiff neck and difficulty swallowing. Getting up out of bed, I walked through my walk-in closet into my bathroom to take a closer look. Shifting my mouth to catch the right amount of light, I opened my mouth and saw what remarkably resembled an 18-wheeler, parked just behind my adenoids, and anterior to my tonsils. No wonder I couldn’t swallow.

Upon closer inspection, the truck turned out to be large, enflammed glands. So I went to see the doctor yesterday, suffering from cold sweats and feverish chills. The doctor took one look down my throat and said, “Wow, I’ve never seen that before,” just as he shoved a tongue depressor in and told me to say “ahh". Unfortunately, all that I could say was “unnhhh” to which the very white doctor replied, “What is this a rap music video?” Despite the walk-in clinic showcasing its fast cars and fast women, I had to agree with his assessment, we were definitely not in a rap music video.

Apparently, I have either:
a) A mutated strain of strep throat (and not of the cool X-Men variety)
b) A combination of viral infection(s) and strep throat
c) A completely new strain of virus that I’ve created and they will probably name, “Quachsackie” after the original, “Coxsackie” virus

Either way, there’s a viral party in my mouth and everyone’s been invited. As a consequence, it has completely destroyed my vocal chords, and may or may not still be contagious. He took a sample of my throat and sent it to the labs. The results come in Friday.

With a brisk flick of his gold-plated stethoscope, he scribbled down my prescription but told me in no uncertain terms was I to fill this prescription until Friday. If this were not strep throat, the penicillin would have no affect, other than add a little bubbly to the party. If it were strep throat, I’d be cured.

Who does that? Gives a man the cure for his ailment and says, “Wait a few days, you may die, but it’ll make the rest of us, a much stronger race.”

Screw that, I’m going to the drugstore.

I started popping this pills like candy. One Tylenol extra strength, one cepacol, one amoxicillin and a glass of apple juice; better than Red Bull.

• General

There are two things in this world that people want:

1. They want to be needed
2. They want to feel special

To some, it is more important to feel needed. Its like a maternal instinct built as a de-facto standard in each chromosome coming out of the human manufacturing plant. They want to take care of someone. Or more plainly, they want someone that they can take care of. I noticed this as I looked at the many boyfriend-girlfriend combinations that I know and observed them en masse.
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