You’re sitting in a Sunday morning church service, it’s 11:50 and the guest speaker nonchalantly announces “I have to hurry to cover these next three bullet points.” What?! Three more points? He’s 45 minutes in with only one bullet under his belt? There are no more blanks on my sermon notes. I know what you’re thinking: What are we going to do? We can’t just get up and walk out people will notice. I’ve already sent the text for call-ahead seating. Golden Corral will be packed before we get out of here. Everywhere is going to be packed before we [...read more and comment...]

Since the days of the widow and her two mites, churchgoers everywhere have been looking for a way to stave off that embarrassing moment when they drop in a meager, anemic offering.  How awkward. You’re sitting in Sunday service when the plate comes by; you drop in your coins as quietly as possible saving the bills for lunch. That’s when you suffer through the humiliation of disapproving stares and grunts from the ushers. Don’t even mention those annoying, self-appointed dollar hawks sitting close by, judging your diminutive donation. Stop the emotional violence! Jesus Junk International, the company that brought great [...read more and comment...]

I was thinking about how good God is. About how as Christians we should have a naturally occurring desire to evangelize so others can know how good God is as well. If you’re like me, then you want all of your family and friends to go to heaven. The thing is it’s tough to win your family and real close friends to Christ. Heck, even Jesus had a hard time with it (see Mark 6:4-6, Matthew 13:57-58). If you do manage to snag a few of your relatives for HIM, only a small percentage is really into it.  The others [...read more and comment...]

Jesus Junk International, makers of such unforgettable products as CoverAll, The Jesus Jacket and the Construct-A-Christ franchises has done it again. This time a synergistic collaboration with the Center for Hymnal Preservation and Jukebox Jesus Jams, LLC has culminated in what could be called the single most important piece of electronic peace-making equipment in church history. The Harmonic Translator. Were you opposed to the name change over at THE First Mega Apostles Assembly of the Friendly Seekers Super Cell Group Church? And now the new format has you livin’ on a prayer, what with its praise and worship choruses, its rewrites [...read more and comment...]

“We were having trouble drawing customers, uh, congregants,” confides Pastor Sizemore.  “The hip new church crowd just isn’t interested in the tiny little building we’re in.” At Jesus Junk International we have compassion for The Little Guy. Those up-and-comers who haven’t gotten there yet. We understand that every new upstart church plant can’t afford the plush worship accommodations that today’s discerning church shopper is seeking. Today’s micro-ministries can’t match amenities with the likes of THE First Mega Apostles Assembly of the Friendly Seekers Super Cell Group Church. They have the laser light show and the fog machine during worship. They [...read more and comment...]