Day 5: Meditation Challenge - A Visit from the Meditation Police
Welcome, to my 28-Meditation Challenge.
If you have joined us late, that is just fine. If you'd like to "officially" join in, simply leave a comment here that says, "I'm in!" and I will add you to the Challenge Roster. Or, send me an e-mail through the Contact Box at my website: awakenedliving.com. You may want to catch up by reading the previous posts. We are glad you are here!
Each day we come here, even if we have not meditated as we'd hoped, we begin again.
Start where you are ...
I am having a lovely, meditative morning. One of my favorite candles is aglow. The sounds of "Native Healing" fill the living room. My husband is at work, my daughter back at college. The house is still, the Bay is calm, the birds are feasting at the feeders. All is well.
But last night it wasn't lovely. It was horrible.
At 2:30 a.m. I was jolted awake by the "Meditation Police." They came unbidden. I did not call them. Yet, somehow, they came, pounding on the door of my heart, sirens blasting, lights flashing. They stayed for at least an hour and just about drove me crazy. Why, oh why, did I listen to them?
Their message was this: You are a lousy meditator. A sham. A fake. You have no business talking to people about meditation because you cannot "sit" for more than 5 minutes.
Geez Louise, really?
This all started because I did not take the time I had hoped to to meditate yesterday. The day got away from me. There was so much to do! Deadlines to create. And I got my panties all bunched up dealing with the University about finances and $ yuck.
So, after dinner I vowed to do better. I headed to the bathtub, iPod in hand, ready to relax and listen to a guided meditation. No dice.
I could not get comfortable, the headphone wire kept dipping into the water. I was afraid the player would fall in completely. I gave up and opted for simple mindful breathing instead. It actually went pretty well but the old 5-minute habit kicked in ("Meditation Bail Out") and I was done—and completely disappointed in myself.
Until the Meditation Police came, that is. I should have recognized them right away and told them to leave but I didn't. I should have recognized when the word "should" kept coming out of their ego-based mouths. "Should" is a big sandtrap for me. I can get stuck in the "shoulds" quite easily and am never quite able to chip myself out.
I tried metta. It didn't work.
I tried conscious breathing. Nope.
I tossed and turned for one hour until my inner light went on. 'Messages, these are only messages. You don't have to believe everything you think. Get up and move. Change the scenery.' So I did.
I walked out into the living room and stood in front of the picture window. The moonlight on the Bay was stunning, as were the twinkling lights from the Peninsula beyond. The scene was a photographer's dream.
And then I noticed it. The Police were gone. Everything inside of me was still. Inner peace was mine. And getting there was so easy. I did nothing. I simply came back to the present moment.
Has this ever happened to you?
So, this morning I decided to figure out the lessons around my middle-of-the night visitors. Here's what I've remembered.
I say "remembered" because I know this stuff. I know it like I know my own sacred breath. I've been on this path a long time. I am not a newbie, but I am a student—as are we all. I simply had another case of spiritual amnesia ...
1. The "shoulds" are my nemesis. When one solitary "should" comes in I can set an intention to notice it and turn away. I vow I will do better at this.
2. Meditation is not a "one size fits all" practice. We each must find our own style and rhythm. I vow to embrace mine.
My teacher affirmed this when I whined to her last year that I just could not seem to do sitting meditation. "So?" was her casual response. She, obviously, does not subscribe to the ascetic-sitting, "wallop with a teaching stick" sort of Buddhist practice. In fact, her kindness astounded me.
"Jan, she said, "I know you. I've listened to you. I've read your book. You are meditating all day long. You are awake. You live a contemplative lifestyle. You live like a nun! You listen deeply to your thoughts and notice what feelings arise. You release them and move on. You are actually walking through your day [most of the time, anyway] with mindfulness. That can be enough."
Enough. That is the big word, the $1 million word, for me anyway. Am I doing enough to live an in en-light-ened way? Am I meditating enough, or in the right way?
There you have it. My light-bulb moment. The Police had arrived to show me how, once again, I was getting sucked up in the whirlwind of my "should" and "good enough" thoughts.
Today, I lay those down once again. I am enough. I am doing enough.
Oh, yes, not to forget lesson #3.
Change the scenery. When wildmind strikes, when the Meditation Police are pounding on your door, go out the back door and gaze at the sky. Sniff a flower. Pet your dog. Bow down and give thanks for the blessing of this precious life ... to live, to love, to learn, to grow.
Awake is good ... no matter what.
And always, always, have compassion for yourself.
I welcome your thoughts.
How is your meditation practice going today?
Love and blessings,
Jan
Read on ...
Yesterday, I listened to Tibetan flute music, did a 5-minute session of conscious breathing, and 2 rounds of prayers on my beads.
This morning I listened to Native American chant. The day is young. I'm not sure what other meditation I'll do, but I will. Stay tuned!
Recommended Resources:
I don't know if you noticed this or not, but on Tuesday, I referenced Max Highstein and his guided meditation, "Healing Waterfall II." Surprise, surprise! Max himself (whom I have never met) stopped in and made a comment. He thanked me for sharing his work with others. Nice!
I visited his website and was so pleased to find many meditation resources there. Take a twirl and see what you find. There are samples to listen to, too! I was particularly drawn to a meditation calling upon Mother Mary. (She is "my gal," you know.) I will likely purchase the MP3 download soon. Enjoy!
Inspiration:
In some meditation centers, practitioners are not permitted to move during periods of sitting meditation. They often have to endure great discomfort. To me, this seems unnatural. When a part of our body is numb or in pain, it is telling us something, and we should listen to it. We sit in meditation to help us cultivate peace, joy, and nonviolence, not to endure physical strain or to injure our bodies. To change the position of our feet or do a little walking meditation will not disturb others very much, and it can help us alot.
~Thich Nhat Hanh, Peace is Every Step: The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life
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46 comments:
Hi Jan! I'm so well acquainted with the stupid police! LOVED this post! Hurray, you are human! And wow, yes, let's throw out those shoulds!!! Poobah on all of them! Every once in a while I get zapped - police or distractions or whatever - and it is MOST unnerving - makes me doubt my whole self. So boy, oh boy, I resonate with this post!
We ARE enough and we ARE ok!
Hugs my dear friend!
suZen
So nice to know that you are for real...lol!
I feel like my meditation is a little "funky". I can't seem to fit in a good chunk of time to just sit. I literally find "moments". This morning I pulled an Angel Card and meditated for just a few minutes on the meaning (the card I pulled was "power"). I just sat for a few minutes and pondered what that meant.
And that's it. When I was done, I wondered to myself...is this really enough? Is this good enough?
I guess so...
SuZen,
Well Ms. Monkey mind meets up with Ms. Wild Dog mind. We are a pair! I am glad you liked the post. It just poured out. A cleansing, purging off all the middle-of-the-night yuck. Today is a new day. We can begin again...May we know that we are ALWAYS enough.xo
Caroline,
Oh, yes, I am for real. If you knew what went on inside this mind sometimes....Oy vay.
You DO bring up a very good point though and one I should talk about on the main page as a post.
It is very important to listen deeply to know if we are procrastinating, not taking time, running away from meditation, etc. to know if what we are doing is enough. It's so easy with any of our spiritual practices to do just enough to get by. We do not allow our spiritual practices to take us to the edge, beyond our comfort zones, and let them teach us.
When it gets a little uncomfortable, we go find another practice that is not as challenging, more fun... Do you know what I mean.
Only you will know from deep listening to your truest self if your "enough" is enough. Does that make sense????
My sense (for me) is that the discipline of sitting meditation will really be good for me—when the time is right. And I am doing it more and more each day. Gently.... It will help me focus my wild mind better for it wanders VERY easily. But, in the right timing.
Jan,
Thank you for the thoughtful post!
I can easily get caught up in thinking that there's a "one-size fits all" meditation that I SHOULD be doing, and this pulls me away from the practice. Feeling that I can practice an eclectic style of meditation that works for me has made a big difference. Thank you for affirming that here!
Blessings to you!
Michelle
I love that -- "Spiritual Amnesia."
I think that Dark Nights of the Soul are actually Long Forgettings, and that the greatest challenge of living this life mindfully and deeply is Re-membering all our parts. :)
Another great post, Jan!
What meditation? I didn't get it done yesterday either. If that means actually sitting quietly somewhere, eyes closed, going inward, breathing, the whole bit.
If, on the other hand, it means, continually noticing the blessings as they arrive my life, receiving them with gratitude, and offering up thanks, then I spent the entire day in meditation.
Amen.
One more thought, if I may...I really do my best to banish thoughts of "not good enough" or "not worthy of this or that" as quickly as possible. Those are soul killing thoughts.
If I can look back on my day and honestly feel that I've conducted myself with Love and Respect then I feel it was a good day, well spent.
Wonderful! I have regular visits from this police also - they get around, especially in the middle of the night:-)
I love how you are covering not only many different meditation methods, but also all of the issues we all face regularly, through your own experience. It really is a gift. (was it Sylvia that said that to you? how wonderful, soulful and true.)
Also, nature is an especially big shifter for me also...
Wow! I am so happy I visited ... now I have a name to give those irrational, guilt-ridden thoughts which wake me in the dark of night. In my case, I think they are the "Workshop Police". Thank You, Jan.
I also love how you have described meditation as being aware, and awake, and observant - I am really going to stop beating up on myself for not achieving MORE in my day, or with my time. I AM Aware. I AM Grateful. And, I am Appreciative of the gift of dawn, lightening skies, bird song, and lavender-scented air.
What a wonderful way to start my day. Thank YOU.
Jan, this is an amazing post. To be taken out of your sleep to learn this lesson that enough is enough. I am happy that you were awake enough to remember all this and pass it on to us.
I worked the 3-11 shift at the hospital last night and was on call till 7:00 am for any emergencies that might come up. You can give me a call in the middle of the night anytime. We could just talk and listen to each other. We could walk to our windows, look out at the moon and BE connected. What a great meditation that would be!
Blessings, Julie
What a great post. This happens to me often in the middle of the night. Then the next morning I think to myself...what the heck was wrong with me to be not just thinking, but almost obsessing on such thoughts. It is a blessing to know that I am not the only one this happens to.
My mind has been extremly busy today. When I took a few moments to meditate it was like a whirlwind...a tornado if you will, just surrounding me with busy, stressful thinking. So I went with that and allowed myself to step out from within that tornado and let it move on. So I guess my tornado is like your yapping dog.
I also wanted to comment on the last part of your post where it speaks about not having to sit in discomfort while meditating. This is such an issue for me and it uplifting to hear that it only makes sense to be in comfort when sitting to meditate. Just one less thing to keep my mind busy. Thank you!
Michelle,
Our aim is to affirm. :-) I am celebrating that you are honoring your inner voice of knowing, what feels right to you in this moment. Enjoy!
Christine,
I appreciate your viewpoint here. It seems so much of our spiritual journey is simply "remembering." Who we are, where we came from, why we are here (in this way, right now) how to live, and more. May the breath of the Sacred remove clouds so we can see ourselves and others clearly.
Caroline,
I am glad to hear the confidence in your voice about how you are choosing to live your days. Good for you! What you speak of (as I understand it) is living mindfully. I know that mindfulness is an aspect of meditation, but is it all of meditation? Again, (as I understand it) the other component of true meditation is concentration (or focus) and stillness. I am going to query the "experts." Hold the phone....
Guess what? As I go to post this response, my word verification is "beingsh."
I love it. Being-shhhhhhhh..... Perfect!
Lisa,
Well I am totally heartened to know that you (as a meditation teacher) have visits be the Meditation Police. :-) Comforting to know.... I am glad the approach I am using here is speaking to you. :-)
Michelle (2),
May we ALL appreciate ourselves in this way as you are. For all the ways (big and small) that we stay awake, aware and mindful of what is going on within us—and around us. I agree that nature and beauty are natural reminders....
Julie,
Well, next time this happens I am definitely going to think of all of you who are up in the night, or in a different time zone aspiring to stay mindful....Thank you for your sweet offer. Companions for the journey are one of the great blessings of life.
Hi, Jan -
I was directed here by my Yoga teacher and I am so grateful for that. I have been asking 'the Universe' for clarity in my quest for direction in my spiritual journey - and here you are.
Thank you!
Yesterday was a miss for me. Not because I couldn't but because I didn't (just being truthful). I'll be there this evening tho.
Darla
Oh Jan, I know those impatient police, banging on my heart's door well. And yes...this morning I had a simil