Posted by Matt on 03/28/2012. 3 comments.

There are people in real life or online who will be in the moment with their interactions. For example, I had a nice 28 tweet exchange with @rvxn about a week ago.

It was a fleeting conversation with no guarantee of anything more.

These fleeting interactions are the only promise of this art form. It has no celebration of accomplishment. Even if it turns into friendship or whatever sort of relationship, it is what it is in the moment. Barring a photograph or recording, there is no physical evidence for that interaction happening except in your own mind.

But we need to take advantage of fleeting moments. They’re the bridges to different worlds of people. There’s something mystical about that.

Twitter is simply one of the many enablers and recorders in this highly connective human era, so why not use it?

Posted by Matt on 03/19/2012. 2 comments.

Eight months ago, I fought the first round with fear. I participated in ten of Niall’s Random Acts of Courage. That was Round 1.

Now it’s time for Round 2.

#5 Ask someone working at a supermarket for help finding an item.

I went to Target and asked the guy if they had small screwdrivers. He shook his head and said they didn’t have them.

#7 Ask a stranger in a restaurant or coffee shop if you can sit with them.

I actually did this a few times but I recall chatting to a girl about her teal green backpack. I asked if I could sit with her to chat for a few minutes. In the middle of the conversation, I remembered that I left my backpack inside the cafe, so I told her I’d be back. I found my backpack in the previous spot and came back. She smiled and welcomed me back. We continued where we left off and it ended up being a nice conversation.

#9 Ask a stranger for his/her phone number.

I was on campus when a girl walked past me that had green shoes on. I was curious where she got them, so I turned around and caught up to her. I asked her about her green shoes. After a few more minutes of chatter, I asked her for her #. She gave it to me and we hung out again for some coffee.

#11 Ask a stranger a ridiculous question.

I asked someone what time their class was starting (this is a little ridiculous for an opening). She looked at me a little odd and said the time. I thanked her and walked on.

#14 Wave and smile at someone you don’t know (as if you do). (Yes again!)

I waved to the people on the cable cars in San Francisco last week. I also waved to fellow students on the bus just yesterday as well. It’s funny to get people’s reactions (or lack thereof).

#16 Go the wrong way up or down an escalator.

I did this a couple of months ago with my cousin and his friends. I ended up being the most self-conscious about the situation. However, nothing bad really happened. Almost all of the time, it’s worse than you think.

#21 Unfriend someone annoying on Facebook, or send a friend request to someone you’ve only met briefly but wish to know better.

I just removed someone who got annoyed at me for lightly teasing her about her tastes. She unfriended me and then readded me. However, it never felt the same. Cheers to not working out. In order to find the right people, you’ll have to go through folks that are not.

#26 Correct anyone who mispronounces your name.

My last name is mispronounced much of the time. I correct all the folks.

#29 Ask someone attractive out on a date.

Definitely has happened but we’ll get to that.

#36 Hold a conversation with a stranger for three minutes or more.

I recall one instance where I was in San Francisco and talked to the girl next to me waiting for a bus stop. We ended up talking for seventeen minutes until the bus stop arrived. I learned that she was from a different country, a student at San Francisco State, wanted to figure out how to stay longer, and enjoyed her time traveling across the country. It’s always fun to travel through another person’s stories.

#45 Eat something you’ve never eaten before, or try a new recipe.

Yesterday, I tried Irish Pub Chips with the mushroom gravy and cheddar. Delicious really.

——

The ten examples above are ten more metaphorical punches towards knocking fear out. *(Eleven if you count an enhanced version of #14).

[Disclaimer: Nothing given to do this. I want to finish these 50 challenges for my own improvement.]

Posted by Matt on 02/29/2012. No comments.

“I’ve never tried to block out the memories of the past, even though some are painful. I don’t understand people who hide from their past. Everything you live through helps to make you the person you are now.” – Sophia Loren

February 18, 2012 1PM. Berkeley, CA.

I’m calm yet excited as the escalator rises me from the underground.

I have arrived at Downtown Berkeley BART station.

The sun is out. Once I hit street level, students are roaming all around me. I look around and feel like I’m in a novel land.

Put San Francisco in a blender with many sprinkles of hipster and you get Berkeley.

After looking around for a minute, my date meets me with her bike.

This isn’t just any ordinary date. She’s a 99% match.

Yeah, we met via that dating site, OKCupid.

She takes me to an amazing co-op pizza place. They only serve one type of pizza each day. The choice is easy for their costumers.

We start talking about her soul animal. I consider her a lynx. We’ll get back to that.

Then we go to a random cafe that I don’t remember. We talk for three hours about everything there is to talk about. My love of talking to strangers, her interest in fun, nerdy things as well. So many other random things.

Then we go to dinner and chat for another hour. We make plans for a second date. She tells me that she wants to definitely go.

We walked back to the BART station and we arrived at the point where we would part ways. She hugged me. I smiled at her and went on my way down the stairs.

As I waited for the train, I wondered if I should have kissed her.

Yeah I probably should have.

“It’s okay, Matt. If the second date goes well, I trust you’ll be fine.” as I spoke to myself.

——

After a few exchanges where we can’t find a common day to meet up due to being busy, I finally get this message.

February 29, 2012.
“Can’t make it; now in a relationship with a guy whose soul animal is a lynx.”

The second date never happened.

Glad two lynxes met one another.

——

Where have I seen this picture before? It was around 19 months ago

——

July 19, 2010 11AM. Berkeley, CA.

I’m calm yet excited as the escalator rises me from the underground.

I have arrived at Downtown Berkeley BART station.

The sun is out. Once I hit street level, students are roaming all around me. I look around and feel like I’m in a novel land.

After looking around for a minute, she meets me with her friend.

This isn’t just an ordinary hangout. I’ve fallen in love with her the day before.

Yeah, we met on a penpal site.

I take them to an amazing Indian buffet place. The place is rather empty and there are all sorts of choices. Talk about having all sorts of Indian food for their costumers.

We talked about soul animals. She was definitely a fox.

We walk around UC Berkeley for three hours and eventually end up at Starbucks. We talk about random things. Their train came first. She hugs me.

Then she invites me to go to a goth club with her and her friend. I decline due to shyness.

We walked back to the BART station and entered inside the train station together. I smiled at her and went on my way down the platform to see when my train would arrive.

As I waited for the train, I wondered if I should have kissed her.

Yeah I probably should have.

“It’s okay, Matt.” as I spoke to myself.

——

Yet the reactions are different.

Back in 2010, I lost my way for months on end because of that mistake in my mind. “My own shyness blocked me from magical moments” or so I thought.

But now in 2012, I feel at ease.

The past got me ready for the latest setback. The 2010 version got me prepared for the 2012 version.

If this is what the “bottom” feels like, then there’s only upside from this point on.

Even if I get the same story a third time, there’s only upside from there.

The past is a guideline to all future experiences. Remember and respect your past.

I’ll keep going.

Posted by Matt on 02/21/2012. One comment.

July 11, 2011 1PM

I drove to a coffee shop in Menlo Park because Lynn lived around that area.

After looking around for 10 minutes, I found her in line behind me.

We both sat down at a table.

She had tea in a blue cup. I had an iced coffee that I downed in a few minutes.

We started out talking about what brought her up to NorCal. She told me that she was going to a horticulture event later on that week. Then I asked her more about horticulture.

She told me that she would be taking lessons later on in the year. I noticed how passionate she was about the topic. She said, “There needs to be a more sustainable way to produce healthy food.” She told me about the latest advances and how genetically modified foods aren’t good for the environment.

I added quite a bit to the debate because I took a genetics class a couple of years ago that had many documentaries regarding genetically modified foods. “Imagine eating a bag of Doritos. You’re eating modified stuff.” She told me that she was open to eating it if her friends shared some Doritos with her but wouldn’t get it on her own.

We also talked about my whole idea of meeting strangers and I told her about its importance. If you find people from all sorts of beliefs and places, you’ll have a much better understanding of people’s variations in beliefs.

For another three hours, we also chatted about:

- Interracial relationships – Both of our personal experiences with relationships.
- Creation of e-books – I was considering making some while Lynn has a few on her website.
- Other bloggers that she has met herself
- Being near students – We were near Palo Alto after all, which is home to Stanford.
- Both of our personal college experiences.

Check out her work on her website Upcycled Love (Disclaimer: Nothing shared except ideas).

Posted by Matt on 01/23/2012. 5 comments.

From Wired Science, Opposites Don’t Attract.

From the article:

“What they found was that people tended to interact with the people who were most like them, so that investment bankers chatted with other investment bankers, and marketers talked with other marketers, and accountants interacted with other accountants. Instead of making friends with strangers, the business people made small talk with those from similar backgrounds; the smallness of their social world got reinforced.”

I’ll argue that staying within one’s own small group causes a lack of understanding. It extinguishes compromise and empathy for those with greatly differing viewpoints about the world.

Why is the US general election so polarized?
Why is there a disconnect between those who are rich and those who aren’t?
Why do people identify themselves with a certain city or team so easily?

Sure it’ll be easier to chat with them because they’re a mirror image of us, at least in that particular interest.

How can we obtain a greater understanding of other people and tolerate those with differing views when we never hang out with different people?

I walk to the edge of the social comfort zone because it’s more enjoyable to:
-be denied entry into elitist groups
-be accepted to explore a certain subculture
-welcome randomness into my life
-talk to strangers
-break down hardwired “in-group” oxytocin
-reduce boredom

Life expands when you let your comfort zone expand.